Sandra Wittman
A black-and-white cat paused in the doorway, giving me the once-over.
"There's Oscar," said Sandra Wittman, sitting on a bentwood rocking chair in her Carpentersville home. "When he hears a male voice, he comes. Just in case it's Norm, his daddy."
It's not, and never will be, as Wittman outlined in an email:
"You wrote a column about my husband, Norm Kopp, who died of Covid five years ago today. That article meant a lot to me and put a face on the more than a million Covid victims in our country. I am 82 now. It has been a difficult five years and, since we never had children, I am alone with my cat Oscar and sometimes lonely. I miss him every day. I am still living in the home we shared which is filled with memories."
Is it ever. Art from trips to Venice and Spain. Sculptures of cats. Grief is not easily told or understood. But given how completely the 1 million victims of COVID and their millions of immediate survivors have been swept under the rug, I felt obligated to try.
Wittman had a photo waiting on the coffee table.
"That was our 15th anniversary of living in sin," she said. "You know, we were never married. I call him my husband. What else should I call him? 'My boyfriend?' We were 70-something years old."
They met over 40 years ago, in a singles bar in Schaumburg.
"He was so bright, so funny," she said. "I learned to eat Mexican. We really enhanced each other's lives. We did exciting things together. We didn't have a lot in common at the beginning. At the end, I didn't think we were joined at the hip ..."
She paused, as if realizing anew.
"Yeah. We were."
Becoming unjoined was excruciating.
"I have to tell you how he died," she said. "We were so careful, all those months. Then in December, it was announced, they were going to release the vaccine. His doctor said he would be on the list for high risk. Then the Trump administration cut the vaccine numbers to Illinois because we're a blue state. So he didn't get the vaccine."
Instead he got COVID. From her, she believes.
"I hurt my foot and had to go for an MRI. ... I'm pretty sure that's where I got it. There was
horrendous guilt that I brought it home."
They Zoomed, so he could see Oscar. "You need to come home," she said.
"The nurse said, if he makes it through the night you can come over here and be with him when he dies. Which was a real gift, because most people didn't get to do that. I watched him die through glass. It took three minutes. I don't even remember how I got home. I was completely alone. Nobody was here."
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poignant, and insightful, as always..
ReplyDeleteThank you for not letting the victims of COVID and their survivors be forgotten. So many people, so much suffering -- it’s remarkable how quickly society seems to have moved on, but surely the scars run deep.
ReplyDeleteIs it really the case Trump cut the amount of vaccine to Illinois because we’re a blue state as Ms. Wittman says? If so, shame on me for not remembering.
Another timely reminder of Trump’s cruelty.
ReplyDeleteI really wish that RFK Jr. would come down with a serious case of Covid. Maybe that would knock some sense into that heroin addict blockhead!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful, heartbreaking, and a reminder that there are more than a million US families now marking five- or six-year anniversaries of loved ones' deaths. I recall that the rollout was a mess combined with flat-out lies about availability, no support plan - only chaos - and no (or delayed) federal money for states to distribute.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad Sandra has a COVID support group; I hope she also has other friends, neighbors and extended family in some fashion. She still has a lot of insight and love to offer the world around her.
While covid is no longer front page news, its still around. People I know have caught it and gotten pretty sick. It still kills people.
ReplyDeleteI'm very sorry for your loss miss Wittman.
I googled around and there doesn't seem to be any difinitive evidence that Trump witheld vaccine from states based on their color. There just wasn't enough to go around for awhile. It was rationed .
I remember being happy to get a dose. Having had an early case.But I did end up getting the virus again a few months later. Then one more time in 2024. Fully vaccinated.
Maybe not. Of course, they wouldn't put out a press release, would they? Trump SAID he was going to withhold the vaccine from blue states. https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2020-election/trump-make-first-public-remarks-week-n1247752
DeleteThe vaccines don't prevent transmission of the virus, but they are highly effective at mitigating the severity of the sickness if you become infected.
DeleteThis is off-topic, sort of. Not really. Oscar the cat is the here here. If there is a hero, if that isn't too maudlin to say. Seniors get it. We understand and REALLY appreciate the role(s) our beloved animal friends fill in our day-to-day lives. Companionship obviously. More to the point, though, they give us a focus beyond ourselves, beyond our own issues, the struggles we ALL face in aging. They NEED us. And we NEED them. I'm a great believer in the positive energy that goes both ways. So you can't manage the responsibilties (and there ARE many) of a dog any longer? Understood. A cat or two, maybe? A pair of rescue kittens, perhaps? To keep you on your toes? To give you...focus? I carry on long and vitally important conversations with my 16-year-old Schnauzer mix. Back and forth we go. I can't imagine old age without a furry pal in my life.
ReplyDeleteThat's a fine-looking kitty. Have not been without at least one for more than forty years. But it's been decades since we've adopted any cute and fuzzy kittens. For the simple fact that the older you get, the more likely they are to outlive you. And rehoming is not easy for any cat, but especially for seniors.
DeleteWe have adopted middle-aged and older felines for many years. They are just as loving and loveable as the kittens are. But also a lot less frantic and zoo-y [sorry].
Occasionally, my wife and I will talk about the Plague years like two old war vets. "I still can’t believe it all happened.” "Did we really live through all that?" Yes, we did. We will never get February and March of 2021 back.
Got sicker than she did, from 32 years of having been a smoker, and both of us still have wheezing and breathing issues. Really expected that I'd go into the hospital and never come home again. Five years on, those times now seem like a long bad dream.
But we're a different country now. Too many businesses are history. Communities are more fragmented, relationships are frayed or gone, and people are more isolated than ever before. And the Great Divide is now a Grand Canyon. If the Orange Guy had won in 2020, millions now alive would also be among the lost. And recent history would be a lot different...and probably even worse.
My wife and I use the same word--blessed—when we realize how lucky we were…and are. Retired homeowners. Out of the rat-race. No job losses. No business losses. And we survived. Knew only two people who did not, and they lived in other states.
As those awful times recede further and further in our rear-view mirrors, we appear to have forgotten about them more and more. As Americans, we tend to have very short memories. My wife and I keep a bunch of masks in our car, in plain sight. As a reminder. And just in case.
More and more, I think about what would happen if my wife passed away suddenly. It could easily happen to me...my cousin lost his wife of 41 years... and she and I are both pushing 80 now.
Would end up being like Sandra Wittman. Completely alone. No grandkids. Just a kitty or two. Friends are all living out-of-state. Relatives are estranged or gone. One sibling...haven't seen her in almost 14 years. Would need a financial coach. And probably a life coach, as well.
Trying very hard not to think about it, but that is becoming more difficult.
And time no longer marches on. It runs.
My god.
ReplyDeleteSome things will never make sense. Some things will never get better.
I feel terrible.
Those COVID years are very hard to think about and I didn't lose a loved one or get it until last August despite being fully vaxed. I feel like every community needs a memorial so we never forget what happened and what didn't happen. 5 years of that and The Cheeto and now the more dangerous Cheeto and his thugs are terrorizing us all over again in many many worse ways. One of my fear is that we have another pandemic with the lack of CDC and WHO guidance and the unqualified ninkenpoops that are in charge now. How many more millions will suffer and die. So much for the "golden years". Last year I read Geraldine Brook's excellent book "Memorial Days" last year that is about the sudden death of her brilliant husband, writer Tony Horwitz and her year of grieving. And yesterday finished reading another wonderful book, "H is for Hawk" by Helen McDonald about her taking on the training of a goshawk in response to the deep grief when her father died. Such a beautifully written book-i recommend both. I read that it is going to be out as a film soon too as well.
ReplyDeleteGrief has got to be one of the most difficult of all emotions to endure. Maybe the most difficult, for a whole number of reasons. There's no timeline and you can't rush it. If you medicate it, you merely postpone it. Ms Wittman seems to be finding her way through it, as painful as it is. Wishing both Ms Wittman and Oscar increasing comfort in the year ahead.
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