Life puzzles #1: What to do with newspaper bags?

 

     Monday morning was rainy. But my newspapers were nice and dry, waiting for me at the foot of my walk, through the miracle of plastic bag technology. The New York Times in its regal blue bag. The Chicago Sun-Times in its yellow bag, echoing a previous color scheme as "The Bright One."
     The bags not only protect the papers from becoming a sodden, pulpy, useless mess — and anyone who has even had a bag with a hole in it on a rainy day has experienced that. But they also have a second life, for me, as doggie bags. The standard green doggie bags, on the little rolls, are fine. But they're small. And you have to tug them, hard, to get them off the roll, then find the opening. It's work, almost. 

     Not a problem with the newspaper bags, which are much more capacious. Your hand glides in easily. Though I do routinely pass them through a circle made of my thumb and index finger, to inflate the end, checking for the aforementioned holes, which you do not want to discover after picking up dog poop with them. Trust me.
    Honestly, I'd never given the bags much thought, and probably never would. But one of my readers raised an issue that had never crossed my mind, not once in a lifetime of subscribing to newspapers. He began by addressing me in the third person, which caused me to check if I were part of an email chain. No, just me. He writes:

     Terrific columns by Steinberg.
     Would you ask the appropriate person at your medium to explain to home delivery paper customers how to dispose of the plastic bags the delivery people put the papers in.
     Grocery stores except the plastic bags back that they put groceries in, but will not accept the colored bags that Newspaper delivery people deliver the newspapers in. Where can we recycle those?
     The Lakeshore recycling company which has the contract in the town where I live says these are not appropriate for its recycling.
     What’s the difference in the type of plastic and where can we take these Newspaper bags especially those of us who subscribe to multiple papers each day Via delivery?

     Then he signed his full name, plus place of employment. 

     Odd, right? "The appropriate person at your medium"? Who says that? And who is so stymied by this issue that he writes to his newspaper, seeking guidance? It seemed an issue an adult could suss out for himself, unaided.

     I considered my response carefully, nudged toward gentleness by his subscribing to the paper. Ordering the hounds of sarcasm back to their kennels, I wrote:

     That's a new one. And while I mostly just write stuff that goes in the newspaper, I suppose it's easier for me to respond to your quandary than to try to find someone else.
     Let's see ... have you considered buying a dog? I have a dog, and the newspaper bags make perfect vehicles for picking up dog poop, far superior to the tiny ones that come on green rolls. That would be my solution. A dog really enriches one's life.
     But if owning a dog is impractical, the bags can also be thrown away. Or if that is too hard on the environment, you could collect the bags and send them to me. My dog typically goes three times a day, but I only subscribe to two newspapers, the Sun-Times and the New York Times, so I am always in need of more newspaper bags. Let me know if that is the solution you prefer, and I will send you my address.
     I hope that helps. Thanks for writing.

     Alas, no response. Which is a shame, because I really do like to use those newspaper bags for Kitty's necessities. The walk when I'm without one, well, the experience is slightly diminished. Maybe he'll buy a dog — then I'll really be hearing from him. "These cans of dog food, how am I to open them?"