Restaurant field notes: Culver's

 

A Double Deluxe Butter Burger

  
     Readers have made it abundantly clear that I can come off as ... what's the word? ... I was going to say "toff," but that is someone who dresses very well, which I do not. Or a "ponce," which sounds right but turns out to mean a "pimp."

     Someone affected in their regard for the finer things, with my opera and my Dante and my fancy restaurants. And while I do enjoy those things, I am also a salt-of-the-earth, non-nonsense union man who puts my L.L. Bean lined pants on one leg at a time, like everybody else. I like country music and candy corn and make a point to go to the local fair, Northbrook Days, to wander around, gape at the rides, grab a Northbrook PD chip clip, maybe enjoy a corn dog or, this year, the falafel offered up by my friends at Chabad Northbrook.

     Being open, generous, community supporting sorts, my wife and put down $20 on two raffle tickets, as we do every year, even though we never win. Though this year we were called and told we did win, not one of the cars or a big pot of money, but a year's worth of a) free oil changes at ProAuto and b) a year's worth of monthly Double Deluxe Butter Burgers at Culver's.

     Now I'm a little reluctant to go anywhere other than the dealer to have my oil changed, speaking of putting on airs, but I was willing to try out Culver's. I am not a fast food guy. I will go to a White Castle and order three cheese sliders every few years, and sometimes sigh, passing a McDonald's, that I wouldn't mind ordering one of their distinctive cheeseburgers, with their yellow paper and all important pickle slice. But I've been saying that for at least 10 years and at this point probably never will.

     Culver's, I have no preconceptions toward whatsoever. Their advertising is water off a duck's ass. What glimmer I've taken away is that they seem to focus on their founder, or CEO, or whoever he is, a mistake that Wendy's used to make. If I want to think about a porky middle older man when I'm visiting their establishment, I'll look in a mirror. Give those people a cartoon cow or something.

     Driving over, my wife asked me if I had any idea what a double deluxe Butterburger cost — what was prompting this foray. I said if a McDonald's cheeseburger is, what, $2, and a Big Mac is $4.50, then it might be $6. She said prices had been skyrocketing and I was underestimating

     "You have a phone," she said — she was driving, as I'm still in a sling. The average national price for a Big Mac is $6.12, and my free Double Deluxe Butter Burger cost $7.99. I had done my research — into what it was, not what it cost — so knew to order it without mayonnaise. I indulged in a medium onion rings and a black coffee.

     I almost informed the server, "This is our first visit to Culver's!" but decided to show off my shutting up skills instead.

     My wife had been agonizing whether to order lettuce on her single burger — the various plagues criss-crossing the country — and at the last moment decided to throw caution to the wind.

     "Let's make a meal of it," she said, meaning the lettuce, not realizing she was checking a box in the order taker's mind, initiating the "meal" sub-circuit to initiate and he added fries and a drink to her order. That was sorted out, eventually, though the poor man was obviously rattled, and we took our number, 23, and went to sit at a table. They bring the food to you, a pleasant touch of humanity on par with the frosty glass mug at A & W Root Beer.

     The place had a pleasant, deep blue color scheme, and was clean and populated with families and kids who had all finished their Sunday soccer games. My wife went up to get water and I noticed the man at the next table was wearing a "Friends of Taiwan" baseball cap and as I noted it, he saw me seeing him and nodded and I drew in breath to say, "I've been to Taiwan, to interview the vice president, Annette Lu, and talk to her about soft power. The Taroko Gorge, very impressive..." but caught myself at the last moment and I shut up, an art form which, as I sometimes say, I struggle to master, and merely nodded back.

    Very quickly a server came by with a tray containing my wife's single Butter Burger, my gratis Double, the onion rings and coffee. The BB was quite edible, enhanced by lettuce, tomato and raw onion. The meat had a pleasant, sirloin steak quality to it, though the cheese wasn't melted. At least the coffee wasn't burnt, as coffee even at fine restaurants can be, and I drank the whole cup without having to mask the taste with cream or sweetener, as I sometimes have to do. The onion rings were real, but treated so you could bite them easily and not have to gnaw through a thick loop of onion, and there was a good number of small ones that fit nicely into the little cup of Heinz ketchup. The batter held its own as well.

     All told, we left without dreading the 11 more monthly trips we're signed up for. Though my wife did dismiss her burger as "greasy," she will try a grilled cheese sandwich — a rarity in the fast food world — or even a cup of frozen custard, an item that Culver's seems to pride itself in.