We're lucky he doesn't want to name it the "Gulf of Trump"

Loteria cards (National Museum of Mexican Art)

     Was I wrong to feel a flash of optimism upon hearing Trump announce he wants to change the name of the "Gulf of Mexico" to the "Gulf of America"?
     Not a spot on your National Calamity Bingo Card, right? Less than two weeks before the inauguration, Trump rears out of the shadows for a press conference, and that is what he comes up with? Well, plus seizing Greenland by force. And the Panama Canal.
     Those who still believe that the once and future president is some genius playing 3-dimensional chess might claim that these batshit notions are intentional, served up for distraction, the master magician directing your attention to the green felt table while he palms the crucial card. The detention camps are being readied while the public gabbles about changing names on maps.
      And maybe it is optimistic of me, to see floating the name change as the typical presidential dithering, another pipe dream that comes to nothing from the jabbering dupe who floated the idea of closing all the mosques in the country and killing the families of terrorists. We've had four years of those already; four more years on deck! Clap on those noise-cancelling headphones because it's going to get ugly!
     I mean, we get it. The man is broken, an enormous sucking black hole of ego, a void of such intensity that he will attempt to rename random geographical locations to better reflect our unquestioned national glory (although, now that I think of it, I'm a little surprised he didn't cut to the chase and call it the Gulf of Trump. Maybe that's coming).
     Plus Trump really, really hates Mexico. Or — to return to the chessmaster metaphor — knows that his base really, really hates Mexico. Though of course both can be true, as the his followers adopt his positions. It is the horse he rode in on, and he's spreading it for nearly a decade like a drunken sailor spreading gonorrhea. So seizing the gulf from the insult of Mexican nomenclature is just the latest thumb in the eye of our neighbors south of the border. He'll force Frito Lay to bring back the Frito Bandito next. 
    Given that, it's a shame one of his advisers didn't suggest they just rename Greenland, "Trumpland," or some such thing. Seize it without firing a shot. That's the easy path, and easy victories are what this is all about, as actual accomplishments in the living world are, you know, harder to do than just saying stuff.