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My boundless professional respect and personal admiration for Sen. Dick Durbin has nothing — nothing! — to do with the fact that he sometimes shows up at my book signings, such as above at Atlas Stationers in 2016, where he poses with co-owner Therese Schmidt. |
Happy birthday, Senator Dick Durbin, who turned 80 last week. Even though I am on vacation, I would be remiss not to wish him the best. Sen. Durbin is old school, in that he is an unshowy, no-nonsense public servant, harkening back to an era when people wanted the government to do stuff. He was raised under the wing of that platinum bar of probity, Paul Simon, and in a way can be considered Simon's heir on earth, not a compliment I bestow lightly. I went looking for mentions of Durbin in my column, and found this, from 17 years ago. It's just too goddamn current not to share. Of course Durbin sponsored the DREAM acts, which would have let young Mexican immigrants who came here as children become citizens. Of course we wouldn't take that path. Of course we would take the road leading to our former and future president, who will start building his detention camps on Day One, with trains packed with those we should have allowed to become citizens but for the color of their skin rolling on Day Two. I thought things were bad then, and had no idea the subcellars of shame below that one, waiting for us to dig our way down into them.
Even the Correction at the end is current, as the paper is pressing to gather the staff back at the office beginning early next year.
This was from when the column filled a page, and I've left in the original headings.
OPENING SHOT . . .
Haters always have their reasons, always always always. Good, solid, reasonable reasons, at least in their own minds. If you tapped any Southern slave owner on the shoulder, he could unspool a litany of exactly why blacks should remain forever slaves — because they're inferior, because they can't learn, because God Almighty intends them to be slaves — reasons that nauseate us today but made perfect sense to them, then.
Give our modern world credit. The "illegal" canard brandished by those who want a permanent underclass of Hispanic serfs — shorn of rights except the right to work hard at crap jobs until deported — is a stroke of genius. You can be the most rule-averse, speeding, tax-cheating, shoplifting American miscreant and suddenly you're Judge Oliver Wendell Holmes if it means keepin' down them Mexicans.
Forget that we invite them in with our open borders. Forget that some have been here for decades. Forget that our mechanism for citizenship is broken. Their papers are not in order, so they must be made to suffer and their children made to suffer, as evidenced by the Senate's craven rejection of Dick Durbin's DREAM Act, the one shred of immigration reform that should have been completely unopposed, a modest plan to let teens brought here as children qualify for college assistance or join the army and harbor hopes of becoming citizens of the country where they have spent most of their lives.
These are days of shame. Someday, in the country we are assuredly becoming, we're going to look back and ask why we responded this way, who we thought we were fooling with our fig leaf of illegality and how we could have believed it hid our failure to act as decent Americans and compassionate human beings.
FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE . . .
No sooner have the 17 children hung up their little coats and backpacks, than Bev Sugar — what an apt name for a kindergarten teacher — begins leading them through the basics of the letter "H."
"See if you can put a line between upper and lower case 'H,' " she says.
It's 8:55 a.m. A beep and then a voice from a loudspeaker.
"Good morning! Good morning, one and all!" enthuses Jill Weininger, principal of Greenbriar Elementary School in the leafy suburban paradise of Northbrook.
There is a bit of business about birthdays and lunch and recess.
"And now would everybody please take a moment to think about your day."
Five seconds pass.
"Thank you very much. Now let's stand for the Pledge of Allegiance."
This moment of silence was created by our bowl-haircut legislators in Springfield as their disingenuous way to return prayer to schools — they won't admit that, of course, but there is no other explanation.
Some see it as the edge of the wedge for religion in school. If so, it is a very thin wedge. Frankly, I wasn't perturbed about it before my visit — not everything is a slippery slope — and afterward it seems particularly benign, the final wheezing gasp of state-backed faith.
Or as Weininger says: "It's not the hill to die on."
Sure, it's unnecessary, another straw on the sagging backs of our schools. But it isn't close to the biggest state-mandated waste of time. Frankly, I'd rather my boys started school doing the rosary if it meant we could get rid of a few standardized tests.
I ask a few of Ms. Sugar's students what they think about during their five seconds of introspection.
"The same thing every day," says Ben. "Computer lab!"
"The good times," says C.J.
After the law was passed, District 28 leaders discussed how to implement it. The pre-moment language was kept carefully neutral.
"It's against the law to direct their thinking," says Weininger.
"Yeah, we wouldn't want a school doing that," I reply.
Setting the time span was a challenge.
"They don't define 'moment' in the law, thankfully," says Weininger.
They considered 15 seconds, but that proved too long.
"You have to find something that works for kids 5 through 14,'' she explains.
They tried 10 seconds.
"That's still really long."
Thus the five-second moment.
Two weeks in, complaints are minimal.
"We've heard from a parent," says Weininger, who has the dream answer for concerned parents.
"I'm bound by law,'' she says.
CORRECTION
Though I have the luxury of working at home, if I like, I don't very often. I think it's important to be downtown, so I can go to the East Bank Club, gossip with my co-workers, eat at fancy restaurants and, oh yeah, find stories.
The bad part of being at the office is that my books are at home, and I have an alarming tendency to pull stuff out of the air, intending to check it later. That's how "Arms and the man I sing" got ascribed to Homer's Iliad Wednesday when, of course, it is in Virgil's retread of the Iliad, the Aeneid.
The truly sad part is that, thinking to check, I did step into the blizzard of cyberspace, and even though I saw it ascribed to Virgil, I somehow ignored the evidence of my own eyes, like that corpsman who noticed the waves of Japanese planes approaching Pearl Harbor early Dec. 7 but shrugged them off as bombers scheduled to show up later.
"Arma virumque cano," one of the most famous lines in all literature. It's like placing "To be or not to be" in Paradise Lost.
The upside is the bracing number of readers who leapt to point out the error — and nicely too. Well, nicely except for Hugh Iglarsh, one of those guys harboring a grudge for years who sees a mistake as a gap in the armor he can drive his spear into and work it back and forth. Wound delivered, Hugh. Quandoque bonus dormitat Homerus — "Sometimes even good Homer dozes," i.e. we all screw up. That's from Horace's Ars Poetica.
I think.
TODAY'S CHUCKLE
From Ross Steinberg, who turned 12 on Thursday: Five out of four people don't know their fractions.
—Originally published in the Sun-Times, Oct. 26, 2007