Thursday, February 5, 2026

Flashback 1985: "Mom, do I have to go to school?"

 

Boy on the floor playing with a toy car, by Charles Ray (Art Institute of Chicago)

     Some stories stick with you. Almost 30 years later, I remember standing next to the first Cook County Medical examiner, Dr. Robert Stein, looking through large crime scene photographs of the bodies of children. Stark black and white shots that I won't describe, though I can see them clearly as if they were in front of me now.
     There were the days at the University of Illinois Craniofacial Center, talking to patients who were having facial prosthetics made. One man, who was having a silicon nose and upper lip to go over the big hole in the middle of his face. The nose was held on by four titanium posts.
     Or the first such jarring story, written back when I was the opinion page editor of the Wheaton Daily Journal. A single mother wrote a letter to the paper. Her 4-year-old son had been raped by the school janitor. She phoned the police, expecting them to show up with lights flashing. Instead it began a legal crawl that ended up heading ... nowhere.
     Not quite nowhere. I wrote a series on child sex abuse that ran for a week on the front page of the Journal. I spoke to her, met her son. Assistant DuPage County State's Attorney Brian Telander was convinced the crime had happened, but the evidence just wasn't there. I looked at other aspects of abuse, interviewing a man in prison who'd started raping his daughter when she was 11. I asked him how he could do it, and he answered me. I also talked to a an older teen who'd been molested as a child, about the devastating damage it did to her.
    Now that I look over the stories, it's the sort of thing that doesn't run in newspapers much anymore. I'm not sure why. Journalism has fashions like everything else, I suppose.
     The stories themselves ... start quite slowly. I think because I was 25 and had never had to process this sort of thing before. The one about the pre-schooler begins this way:
     No one wants to say that four-year-olds are open game for sex abusers. Talk to almost any professional, and he will try to find ways around it.
     Laws are changing. Confessions are frequent.
     But after a while, they'll say it outright. It's open season. Afterward, they'll ask you not to print it. So as not to tip off the perverts, they say. But if you talk to them a little further, they will admit: the perverts already know. The people who don't know are the parents.
     Charlie's mother didn't know. A single mother, living in DuPage County, she sent her son Charlie to a school while she attended a professional school.
     It was late August, early September 1984, when she first noticed something was wrong with Charlie.
     Usually an energetic, confident four-year-old, he started not wanting to go to school.

     If I were writing it today, I might begin with the sentence above, and save the jarring opening paragraph for the end of the story. 

     "He was very outgoing, a very sociable child," she said, later. "That made it all the more incongruous."
     He asked me 20 times a day, 'Do I have to go to school today?' Even on the weekend, he would ask, 'Mom, do I have to go to school today, do I have to go to school?'"
     His mother was concerned, but no amount of coaxing would get Charlie to tell her what was bothering him about school.
     This went on for months. Charlie's mother was concentrating on getting her diploma, and began to automatically answer her son's complaints by assuring him that, as soon as she graduated, he would be able to stop going to school.
     "Be a good boy for a little longer," she pleaded. She comforted herself with the thought that Charlie's difficulty was due to "separation anxiety."
     It made sense. I could justify it — I was away from him now," she said.
     Charlie started to adopt mannerisms that struck his mother as uncharacteristically mature, such as drumming his fingers like an adult. He also had the annoying tendency to punch her father or brother in the crotch when they were around.
      When Charlie came home one day and told his mother that a teaching assistant, "Mr. Smith"...

     I made the janitor into a teaching assistant, one of several changes — mentioned at the top — to protect the identities of the subject. The man had not been charged, never mind convicted, of any crime.

...kicked him, his mother didn't pay much notice to it. She couldn't find any marks, and decided Charlie was probably making it up. He did that sometimes. She didn't report anything to the school.
     "I should have reported it," the mother said. ""I respected an adult more than my own child."
      The week before Thanksgiving, Charlie was caught in a closet touching a playmate sexually. His babysitting announced she would no longer watch Charlie because of his aggressive sexual behavior.
      Distraught, the mother told the psychologist at her dental school about her son's problems. The psychologist said Charlie was exhibiting the classic signs of sexual abuse, and recommended she call the Child Abuse Hotline.
     "When I look back, all these things fit in like puzzle pieces, but at the time ..." Her voice trails off.
     Cathy called the hotline on Nov. 30. On Dec. 4 an Illinois Department of Children and Family Services caseworker was sent out to interview Charlie, along with a detective from a municipal police department and Lori Chassee, an investigator for the state's attorney's office. He didn't tell them anything significant.
     Two weeks into December, Charlies mother suspected but did not definitely know that something had happened to her son. Despite her fears, she continued to send Charlie to the school. She had the pressure of examinations, and really didn't know what else she could do.
     On the night of her graduation, Dec. 15, Charlie said, "I don't have to go to school, right? You don't have to go to school, and I did my job , and don't have to go to school either." Cathy said yes, he did not have to go back to the center.
     Then it all came out.
     "He talked for three solid hours," said Cathy. "In gross detail. Everything hat happened in that school. I was in shock. I was shaking, thinking, 'It can't be true.' Everything caved in. I had no idea it was like this. I thought my kid had been fondled. I had no idea it was like this." 
     Charlie described being forced to commit oral sex, of having his mouth stuffed with Kleenex and taped shut and then being sodomized and other acts committed by Mr. Smith.
     Cathy called the police immediately, at 4 a.m. She expected the police to arrive with flashing lights. She expected Mr. Smith to be yanked out of bed and arrested.
     Charlie's mother did not know it at the time, but she was about to be plunged into another world, a world of policemen and lawyers, therapists and administrators. her days would be filled with phone calls, with meetings, with notes and documents and procedures. For the next eight months, she would doggedly purpose a single, elusive goal: justice for her son.
     The policeman who took her call was sympathetic, but told her to call back Monday morning and talk to a detective.
     That's enough, right? It's about the first third of the story. Another student was found to have been abused, and in that case, there was physical evidence. But his parents did not want him to testify. Without his evidence, the case went nowhere. Charlie was a terrible witness, adding all sorts of flights of fantasy, contradicting himself. The case went before a grand jury, which did not find enough evidence to press charges. Mr. Smith went off scot free. Cathy said she felt as if her son's personality was murdered. I follow the frustrating odyssey like a dim bloodhound tracking a false scent to nowhere.
     Charlie would be in his 40s now. I wonder what happened to him. And how many more victims Mr. Smith had before he was finally brought to justice, assuming he ever was. This is a very long way of explaining why I didn't join the media party dancing around the Epstein maypole. I thought they were missing the point, blinded by celebrity and spin, and ignoring the underlying crimes, again. A situation I hope to address in Friday's column, where I refer to this story. So I figure, put it up here, ahead of time.




27 comments:

  1. Was that school in Wheaton

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  2. This is such a sad story. I am a mother of a boy, who is now a man and I don't know what I would have done if I found out this had happened to my son. I do know that the fight should continue - especially in light of the sexual abuse of minors being reported in the papers and on the news over the last few weeks.Those in charge need to be more diligent in their review of credentials of those wanting to teach the young. How do we help make this happen?

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    1. There are criminal checks including fingerprinting of every school employee and regular volunteers. If there is no record of illegal activity, there is no red flag.

      Evil is in the world and wears many faces. Look at who owns and controls all that data now...Look at who owns the lawmakers, law enforcers and judiciary. Look at their reaction to the latest most documented underage abuse scandal ongoing for decades.

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    2. IL mandated fingerprint checks of potential hires for school districts in August 2004. Anyone hired before 2004 did not have to be fingerprinted.

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  3. Of course nothing was done to the man who molested Charlie.
    After all, we have a proven child rapist despoiling the Oval Office every day!

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    1. The man did not molest Charlie. He raped him.

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  4. There was a Mr Smith where I went to grammar School. The gym teacher.
    Somewhere around the 4th grade I remember the girls talking about how you had to stay away from him and to never go into his office.

    It seems like every body at the school knew about this at least all the students. This was Chicago public school . Rumor was he was a groper a fondler if you will.

    A girl my age that lived across the street who later became my first girlfriend still talks about it some 55 years later.
    Though says it never happened to her.

    The subject came up at our 50th class reunion last year.

    Nothing was ever done about it. I guess it's possible it never actually happened and that it was just a rumor. I guess I'll never know and I don't want to

    But what I do know for an absolute fact was that one of my closest friends who really wanted to be a grown up.
    Had a "boyfriend" when she was in eighth grade who took her on a plane trip to an island in the Caribbean for the weekend.

    She was very excited about this and her mom was totally freaked out when she didn't come home Friday and Saturday night.

    She called my girlfriend's house to see if she could find out where her daughter was and my girlfriend told her that the return flight was arriving in O'Hare on Sunday evening and the mom took the police there to meet the plane and the man was apprehended he was about 23 years old and he was arrested for statutory rape.

    It was not uncommon for boys who were graduated from high school I guess men at that point to date girls that were in high school 15 16 17 year old girls dating 22 23 year old boys . Most people didn't think anything of it
    The woman who was the best man at my wedding married a 28 year old man when she was 18 I guess that was legal.

    My mom married my dad when she was 18 and he was 21 and they had been dating for 3 years.

    Children need to be protected and it's our responsibility as adults whether were their parents or not to protect them we often fail
    Pedophiles understand how to play the system but a 4-year-old that was being molested and there was no evidence ?

    You can't sodomize a 4 year old without evidence people don't see what they don't want to see. And then there's the priests!



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    1. What parent allows a 13 year old girl to have a boyfriend, let alone go to the Caribbean with him? And how was it only statuatory rape?

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    2. Take a world cruise of internet porn in all its forms. Read your area and state registered sex offenders list. That's just the few caught AND convicted.
      You'll never look at men and the world the same way. Ever.

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    3. Anonymous

      When I was young there was a term latchkey kid. I was in a single parent household and so was my friend lots of my friends.

      There were lots of shenanigans going on.

      I guess the answer to your question fairly bluntly is poor people.

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    4. You have a boyfriend when you're 13 by not telling your mother everything. You have "band practice" after school, you have "tutoring", you have "chorus", "no, Mom, I've got a ride home".

      And then you take a small bag of clothes (and makeup, which you've probably been smuggling to school for months) to school on Friday, and vanish over the weekend.

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    5. Thankfully the laws have been changed and there are more protections for children than there were even in the seventies.
      And the police department has been trained to be more sensitive and to believe people when they tell them that something terrible has happened.

      Statutory rape wasn't exactly a slap on the wrist but it was a charge that they could make stick compared to sexual assault or rape and they didn't need the same kind of evidence

      Taking an underaged woman across state lines for immoral purposes ( plane / hotel tickets). Was enough to bring charges.

      I remember she had a fake ID she was pissed she couldn't believe it or mom had done this she was just trying to live her own life as an independent emancipated person she thought she was capable of making her own decisions

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  5. Jeffrey Archer, author and former member of the House of Lords went to prison for perjury. The prison was filled with hard core criminals. Since he was famous, a millionaire, and a member of nobility he feared he would be killed. Instead, a steady stream of prisoners visited his cell, asking for advice on the book they were writing about life in prison. Apparently writing a book in prison is a standard past time. Archer was astonished to realize that almost every book by hardened criminals started the same way: "as a child I was sexually molested". Archer's experience led him to believe that child molestation is the common thread in most human heartache. My own experience as a counselor, and later as an educational technologist dealing with child porn on institution servers, convinced me that Archer is correct. The terrible secret of mankind is how often these crimes take place, and how often there are no consequences for anyone but the child - who carries the crimes every moment of ever day of their life. It's the only crime worse than murder.

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    1. I talk more as an adult about my abuse as a child, and what I always say "it never ever goes away". It pops up at any moment, day or night and you deal with it till the next time . I agree with "who carries the crimes every moment of every day of their life." You grow up, you move on, but you never are free of the memories. I am sad there are so many of us who didn't deserve this.

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    2. please see a counselor then, anon at 11:30

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    3. YOu did good, Neil.

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  6. This column brought tears to my eyes. I expect more on Friday.

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  7. Neil,

    Great piece. I'm so very sorry that you've had to be part of this. In a sense, you've also had to live with the knowledge and realizations just as Cathy has. Worse in different ways, you were the person who finally got her story out, and it was only received with silence.

    I have no doubt that some of the stories that have been swirling in the news bring up these very upsetting stories and disappointment.

    I'm sure my anger and rage blinds me to the actual truth, and for that I am truly sorry, but as your story also touches on this idea, I don't feel I am too far off base in my thinking. Though perhaps I am. Media, news organizations, moderate (and liberal) whites, and the entirety of the GOP (down to the last supporter) should carry much of the blame.

    Oh sure, blame everything on the right and the main stream press with their holey kneed pants. It seems an easy common retort, especially in light of Heir Bezos' massacre at the Washington Post, Elected Republican Representatives calling for the nationalization of elections but only for blue states, the literal protection of pedophiles and rapists via their continued actions (or inaction) regarding the Epstein/Trump files.

    There is a lot of bad in this world; a lot of bad. There is so much we could each be doing to make it better, but never do. Addressing these evils in our society take time. And often this time will be spent with open, festering wounds. It is unfair and the onus seems to always fall on the innocent and the abused. It's easier to do nothing and say you don't support the evils in this world. Many people do this. But that action is worse. We are such cowards.

    But also, there is little to no money in good. Capitalism, in it's current unchecked amerikan and worldly form, is destroying us. Engagement and clicks, rage and gaslighting, power, division, and control are the only things that matter in today's world. Prime Day, Black Friday, X/Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, CNN, The Washington Post, The New York Times, Faux News, OAN, CBS, all of them chase the dollar and the viewer. Not with the truth, but with what keeps them only enraged and engaged with what the owners and billionaires want.

    Collin Kapernick knelt to bring light to police brutality and civil rights violations by police departments. He was blackballed and kicked out of the league. He was a warning, but it didn't matter until Alex Pretti as killed. The Catholic church's sex abuse stories were a warning, but it didn't matter... Jeffrey Epstien, Donald Trump, and their marry band of billionaire rapists will get away with it all. And why not? After all, the republicans' and their moral high ground impeached Bill Clinton over extramarital affair, and yet Todd Blanche literally went on the news this week to say that partying with a known sex offender, sex trafficker, and rapist was OK. As Ted Liu pointed out, it is not, it is illegal.

    The list could go on forever. The truth is more painful. We are being silenced as the rich and "powerful" get away with murder. For what? more sales. more clicks. more money.

    Don't say it was the janitor is just as bad as saying nothing happened. It's the same as saying she was asking for it because of how she was dressed.

    We need news the way it was before it became a for profit endeavor. If such a time ever existed. But at the same time, it matters because we say it matters.

    Make public officials accountable for their actions. Don't let them off the hook. Don't white wash the truth. call your representatives. get involved.

    We in America currently live under a fascist regime; it is up to us to restore democracy.

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    1. My thoughts align with Double D, for the most part. I am just a bit older than Mr S, and I share his regret for a role I played in a news story early in my career. In my case, it involved a suicidal nun who was admitted to a psych unit where i once worked in the 1970s. She shared fantastical stories about sexual abuse committed by priests. Her coworkers were adamant that she was delusional. Once she realized her story was viewed with skepticism by the medical team, she shut down and became mute. She endured a few weeks of hospitalization, medication and 'counsel' and returned to the same snakepit. She was no longer suicidal and deemed "safe" to return. Years later, I was presented with additional information and came to realize that what she told us years prior was, in fact, true. Our health care team failed her with our skepticism.
      I can console myself with the knowledge that sexual abuse scandals committed by Catholic priests did not make news headlines until the 1980s, but it doesn't change the fact that she tried to blow the whistle earlier.
      I do feel guilt.
      Perhaps because of this incident, or because of evolving times, I handled similar situations much differently in subsequent years.
      Still- I once let down a depressed nun who was telling the truth.

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  8. Whew. Thanks to the reporters, investigators, police, counselors, therapists will deal with this crime. It would be easier to look away and move on to something else. It's a danger that needs to be recognized and protected against.
    I hope Charlie and his mother healed. I'd guess that she did everything that she could, seeking justice for her son. Charlie, honest and helpful, would want to do what his mother wanted.
    I went Catholic schools. Rampant sexual abuse. I've seen the effects on my friends and classmates.

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  9. Epstein Files.....Nude photos. The names and faces of sexual abuse victims. Bank account and Social Security numbers in full view. Where are the names of the abusers? It's amazing that the justice department managed to redact that information.
    Any time that disgusting human being opens his mouth someone should yell, "Epstein files!!!!" Keep up the good work Neil. Please, please, please do not even consider retiring until that Nazi is out the office.

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  10. neil, iit's going to be a terrible loss when you retire

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  11. I cannot even imagine having to document such a terrible abuse of that boy, and watching as nothing ended up being done about it... I truly hope he and his mother got enough help to heal from all this. What a horrific nightmare.

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  12. Equal parts heartbreaking and infuriating. Thank you for trying.

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  13. When I was in 8th grade I was chosen to be one of the kids who helped sell candy etc at lunch time. I was invited, along with a couple of other kids who also volunteered to sell candy at lunch, to spend a weekend with the nuns for a kind of retreat. I thought it would be fun, but my parents, (Pilars of the church by the way) said NO. My mother was a nurse and my dad an attorney-clearly they were worldly wise. We were allowed to stay overnight with friends they knew and parents they knew. Now I can appreciate how smart and careful they were.

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