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Picture of Moyuli, a Chinese greyhound, from Ten Prized Dogs Album. |
This column is a rarity — one that I wrote for the paper, but failed to stand up to my own standards. I was in a rush, to make a train downtown, and so did what I could with a small incident that happened the night before. I turned it in — can't blow a deadline — but told my boss I worried it was "strange" and if he preferred, I'd take a swing at something else when I got back home. It wasn't the oddness that bothered him, but that it was a theme I've already taken a few bites out of recently. I leapt to write something else.
But that doesn't make it unpostable, given the ... ah ... more generous standards of EGD. I hope you enjoy it.
Pop quiz. Find the glaring error in the following paragraph:
Wednesday afternoon, while strolling with my dog Kitty, I saw a Chinese lady walking her dog toward me along Center Avenue. The woman, who I've never met, was wearing a black baseball cap and black sweatshirt, and walking a black greyhound. I hoped she might stay on my side of the street, so we could exchange pleasantries while our dogs sniffed each other. I like doing that. But as we approached each other, she crossed the street, to avoid us.
Can you spot the problem? I can't tell if it's glaring or not, but it did immediately occur to me, the moment after the above thought flashed across my mind. Any idea?
Answer: if we've never met, how could I tell the woman was Chinese? Particularly with her large sunglasses. The fact is, I couldn't. I was just guessing, based on whim and appearances. She could have been Japanese or Korean or Vietnamese or really any other nationality.
I certainly couldn't guess her immigration status from a distance. Which is what makes the ICE strategy of snatching people off the street who strike them as an immigrants, then figuring out later, over hours or days or weeks, whether they are citizens, particularly random, ineffective and cruel.
The other thing I noticed is that she wasn't carrying a bag of poop. Which either meant that her dog hadn't answered nature's call yet, or, awful to contemplate, that she just didn't pick up after her dog. Which, as a responsible dog owner, is just reprehensible.
As she passed, Kitty cast the woman's tiny-headed hellhound a look of entreaty. She's such a nice dog, she just wants to make friends. Sometimes, after similar snubs, I lean down, give her a comforting pat, and declare, loudly, "They're not friendly!"
As the woman of unknown nationality and her dog passed, I had this flight of fancy.
What if, in seeing her down the block, and pegging her birthplace from 50 yards away, I had also seen her dog assume the position, and then the two depart, without her bagging the result, as all responsible dog walkers must do?
And furthermore, I then hurried to my iMac, flopped my fingers on the keyboard, and unleashed this opinion in the newspaper, based on the real world experience I had just experienced:
Chinese people don't clean up after their dogs.
I'd be lambasted, right? Keelhauled. Maybe not fired, but roundly ridiculed and rightly so. Readers, I hope, would leap to point out that one example is proof of nothing. That even if this one particular woman — who may or may not be Chinese — didn't pick up after her dog, there are 1.4 billion other Chinese people in China and maybe 50 million more living around the world, one of the largest diasporas. One instance, or a dozen, does not prove anything. She doesn't represent them all. You'd demand that I produce studies, surveys, news reports, some kind of factual basis for this outlandish claim.
So why ... why why why why — do Republicans get away with slurring immigrants as violent criminals? It's a far more serious charge than failure to clean up after a dog. Yet the evidence presented is always, always, always, identical: a single case. Maybe two, which, taken together, prove nothing.
The difference is, they always use highly emotional crimes. You're never going to hear someone rant on Fox News about a Venezuelan accountant embezzling from his client. What we get is some heartbreaking murder of a young white woman. "LOOK INTO THE FACE OF THIS YOUNG WOMAN, MURDERED BY AN ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT. ALL IMMIGRANTS MUST BE DEPORTED!"
It ends all argument — ends all thought, really. For them. For us, if we try to muster a few general facts — immigrants are far less likely to commit crimes — they either run away or shake the case harder in our faces. . No one ever stopped, in mid-rant, "SAY HER NAME, YOU ... what? Immigrants are two to three times more law abiding than American-born citizens. Oh. Silly me. Sorry. Never mind."
Speaking of facts. I must point out, people in China do pick up after their dogs. While scofflaws are a widespread problem there, not doing your duty, dog poo wise, is increasingly considered a lapse, which can result in lowering your all-important social credit score.
Immigration has slid from our minds, momentarily, because of the Iran war and a dozen other distractions. But billions of tax dollars are being pumped into ICE, warehouses are being converted into prisons, though not without local opposition — thank you decent people of America. But do not be deceived. ICE will change strategy and be back. Maybe not in Chicago. But somewhere, soon.
Wednesday afternoon, while strolling with my dog Kitty, I saw a Chinese lady walking her dog toward me along Center Avenue. The woman, who I've never met, was wearing a black baseball cap and black sweatshirt, and walking a black greyhound. I hoped she might stay on my side of the street, so we could exchange pleasantries while our dogs sniffed each other. I like doing that. But as we approached each other, she crossed the street, to avoid us.
Can you spot the problem? I can't tell if it's glaring or not, but it did immediately occur to me, the moment after the above thought flashed across my mind. Any idea?
Answer: if we've never met, how could I tell the woman was Chinese? Particularly with her large sunglasses. The fact is, I couldn't. I was just guessing, based on whim and appearances. She could have been Japanese or Korean or Vietnamese or really any other nationality.
I certainly couldn't guess her immigration status from a distance. Which is what makes the ICE strategy of snatching people off the street who strike them as an immigrants, then figuring out later, over hours or days or weeks, whether they are citizens, particularly random, ineffective and cruel.
The other thing I noticed is that she wasn't carrying a bag of poop. Which either meant that her dog hadn't answered nature's call yet, or, awful to contemplate, that she just didn't pick up after her dog. Which, as a responsible dog owner, is just reprehensible.
As she passed, Kitty cast the woman's tiny-headed hellhound a look of entreaty. She's such a nice dog, she just wants to make friends. Sometimes, after similar snubs, I lean down, give her a comforting pat, and declare, loudly, "They're not friendly!"
As the woman of unknown nationality and her dog passed, I had this flight of fancy.
What if, in seeing her down the block, and pegging her birthplace from 50 yards away, I had also seen her dog assume the position, and then the two depart, without her bagging the result, as all responsible dog walkers must do?
And furthermore, I then hurried to my iMac, flopped my fingers on the keyboard, and unleashed this opinion in the newspaper, based on the real world experience I had just experienced:
Chinese people don't clean up after their dogs.
I'd be lambasted, right? Keelhauled. Maybe not fired, but roundly ridiculed and rightly so. Readers, I hope, would leap to point out that one example is proof of nothing. That even if this one particular woman — who may or may not be Chinese — didn't pick up after her dog, there are 1.4 billion other Chinese people in China and maybe 50 million more living around the world, one of the largest diasporas. One instance, or a dozen, does not prove anything. She doesn't represent them all. You'd demand that I produce studies, surveys, news reports, some kind of factual basis for this outlandish claim.
So why ... why why why why — do Republicans get away with slurring immigrants as violent criminals? It's a far more serious charge than failure to clean up after a dog. Yet the evidence presented is always, always, always, identical: a single case. Maybe two, which, taken together, prove nothing.
The difference is, they always use highly emotional crimes. You're never going to hear someone rant on Fox News about a Venezuelan accountant embezzling from his client. What we get is some heartbreaking murder of a young white woman. "LOOK INTO THE FACE OF THIS YOUNG WOMAN, MURDERED BY AN ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT. ALL IMMIGRANTS MUST BE DEPORTED!"
It ends all argument — ends all thought, really. For them. For us, if we try to muster a few general facts — immigrants are far less likely to commit crimes — they either run away or shake the case harder in our faces. . No one ever stopped, in mid-rant, "SAY HER NAME, YOU ... what? Immigrants are two to three times more law abiding than American-born citizens. Oh. Silly me. Sorry. Never mind."
Speaking of facts. I must point out, people in China do pick up after their dogs. While scofflaws are a widespread problem there, not doing your duty, dog poo wise, is increasingly considered a lapse, which can result in lowering your all-important social credit score.
Immigration has slid from our minds, momentarily, because of the Iran war and a dozen other distractions. But billions of tax dollars are being pumped into ICE, warehouses are being converted into prisons, though not without local opposition — thank you decent people of America. But do not be deceived. ICE will change strategy and be back. Maybe not in Chicago. But somewhere, soon.
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