 |
| Blue Man Group |
I'm old enough to have seen Blue Man Group off-Broadway in the early 1990s, before there were dozens of cobalt grease-painted trios scattered across the globe. Just the original ensemble, who conceived the performance art piece in Central Park and went on to mint money with their fungible legions beating drums and stuffing Cap'n Crunch into their mouths.
One bit stands out. A member of the audience arrives late — probably planted, now that I think of it — and edges past others in his row, toward an empty seat.
Hysterical. Humiliation — of others, naturally — often is.
Which makes the world a less humorous place, now that shame is basically dead. A concept that didn't occur to me until I got an email this week from a regular reader. It begins:
"I read that American Airlines has a trial plan to shame customers who try to cut in the boarding line."
We've all been there. There are six boarding groups. A certain subset of those in the latter groups stand around, poised, alert, like runners set in the blocks, visibly itching to get on the plane, jealousy eyeing those in the earlier groups as they shuffle forward, bags in tow. I'm not sure why; we're all getting on the same plane, leaving at the same time, after the last passenger takes their seat. You'd think passengers would linger, minimizing their time in the sealed aluminum tube. But no.
I guess they want to make sure they have an overhead berth for their enormous carry-on bags. Maybe the reason is inbred competitiveness — you get on board ahead of others, you beat them and thereby win, awarding yourself another meaningless medal in the private Ego Olympics that is your life.
I heard the news of American's experiment and pictured the inevitable entitled fellow passenger, who just has to jump the gun, because that's how he's wired, trying to board prematurely. Suddenly he's hit by a spotlight and a canned voice reverberates across the gate: "PLEASE ... WAIT ... YOUR ... TURN!!!"
To continue reading, click here.
I love the idea of reviving hissing, Mr. S.
ReplyDeleteIf it works for kitties, maybe it would work for us.
In about a month, we're going down to Loozianna for our anniversary, and to visit the WWII Museum. My first flight since my mother passed away, twelve years ago. Don't get around much anymore. Not looking forward to the experience. I hear things have gotten worse. Much worse.
. It isn't the plane ride itself...I love flying. Even though it's become like a bus with wings, with device-addicted passengers who are now frosty and nasty. I always insist on a window seat, because then the world outside becomes a huge topo map, as I try to track our location. That would be the only reason i would try to crash the line.
What bothers me most about air travel, far and away, is the airport itself. The boarding hassles, and the obnoxiousness of the flying public. TSA doesn't thrill me, either. They once confiscated a miniature wrench from me, maybe two inches long. They insisted that it was entirely possible to use it to unbolt a wall panel in the toilet and drop an incendiary device behind it. True story. I will take nothing with me except a house key.
My wife, who works for an international carrier, says folks in the industry call these line crashers "gate lice." Now you know.
ReplyDeleteUgh... same thing happens at the Wison exit off the Edens. Watching folks trying to jump their turn(can't blame em) is like scary, but it can take 45 minutes just to get off that ramp to turn onto Cicero. I'm surprised nobody has been shot for butting in line yet.
ReplyDeleteI'll confess to jumping the assigned group thing a time or two. My reason was the overhead space availability that you mentioned. I only ever bring a backpack, but many people stuff full size luggage and the space runs out. I get real anxiety about having to check my stuff and the airline losing it. I'm an anxious person generally. One time I did get turned back at the gate and felt the shame and haven't done it since. Anyway, it's been years since I've flown at all.
ReplyDeleteI will add that the airlines' boarding systems with the groups feel demeaning, dehumanizing even. We're cargo, cattle to be loaded for transport in the most efficient way so that the plane is on the ground the least amount of time and the airline earns as much money as possible. The result is a sort of Stanford prison experiment, where a group of people is randomly divided into classes and their resulting behavior checked and noted. Or you can pay to be assigned to an extra special priority group and feel superior as the airline makes more money.
But I still love the thrill of going up above the clouds.
Sorry for a double comment, just to share a hilarious Key & Peele bit about the boarding procedures: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qhxlZC8BZJ4
ReplyDeleteMy guess is that there won't be a lot of argument. Because unlike once one is up in the air, most travelers are aware that in the actual airport, the gate agents have intense security back up just feet away. You argue, you don't get on that flight and the gate agent doesn't have to deal with you. The plethora of security people will.
ReplyDeleteWell Sartre may be right about hell being other people, but he never met my 3rd grade Nun, Sr Lucy. She had a great right hook, and a firm ruler, for dealing with us slugs trying to cut in our lines.
ReplyDelete"Ego Olympics." What a marvelous phrase. Explains a lot.
ReplyDeletejohn
Generally, I'm a fan of bringing back public shaming for many things. But this one is tricky. You can enjoy hissing at the person when they get turned away and it might have the effect you seek. They either (A) slink back to their seat in shame and never do it again, or (B) begin seething and working up a case of rage to boil for the next couple hours. But what happens when you finally settle into your seat on the plane and that person sits down next to you? You REALLY want it to have been reaction A!
ReplyDeleteMeh. I'm not so concerned about the line jumpers. As you say, we're all going to be taking off at the same time. For me, shaming people would just add another worry to the whole experience.
ReplyDeleteI'm in Group 3, right? My boarding pass does say Group 3? Better check it again. Have they called Group 3 yet? People are moving forward but I didn't hear what the announcement said.
Seriously, I'd rather hang back to the end of the line.
"Inbred Competitiveness" - What a perfect phrase.
ReplyDeleteAlways appreciate a good Sartre reference. The Chick-Fil-A in my neighborhood has one that I’m pretty sure is inadvertent; if you go to leave through the door you entered in, you will notice decaled lettering on the door: “no exit”.
ReplyDeleteI’ve never noticed the line cutters because I always wait to board with the last group. I don’t want to spend any more time in that cramped seat than I have to. I don’t use the overhead compartments. I travel light. A small backpack with a couple changes of clothes, a book, and a toothbrush. What more do you need?
ReplyDeleteNow when the plane lands, that’s when I have to resist the urge to climb over all the slowpokes that take forever to get their stuff and get off.
I've found that getting off is much more a problem than getting on an airplane. Very few people give passengers who have connecting flights any chance of getting to the front of the plane, even when asked to by the flight attendant. 2 seconds after the request, the passageway is blocked with luggage and anxious people. I think that if anybody actually was allowed to get to the front of the plane, they would be the ones hissed, if not assaulted, should they make a stop at the rest room on the way to their connecting flight.
ReplyDelete