I mentioned a column about tragedy and humor in yesterday's post, and wondered what it might say. The column also fits this very unusual week. I've pulled together some remarks for my mother's funeral, and while there are no jokes, per se, there is a moment early on where I expect people will laugh. At least I hope they do.
Gilbert Gottfried was never my cup of tea. I prefer the cool paradoxes of Steven Wright, say, to Gottfried’s squinty, barking dog comic routine, though he was funny in the delightfully filthy documentary “The Aristocrats.”
His squawk made him perfect for the voice of the Aflac duck, mascot for the insurance giant, which promptly canned Gottfried on Monday over tweets he sent cracking crude jokes about the Japanese earthquake and tsunami.
“Japan is really advanced,” he wrote in one of the more printable efforts. “They don’t go to the beach. The beach comes to them.”
When firing Gottfried, Aflac placed the jokes squarely beyond the pale of humanity.
“There is no place for anything but compassion and concern during these difficult times,” said Michael Zuna, a senior VP and chief marketing officer for Aflac.
Really? No place? No place at all? Because my understanding is that every tragedy in the history of the world quickly becomes the butt of jokes, and humor is especially important to those trying to survive the most extreme and awful circumstances.
Slaves in chains joked about their masters. Jews in Auschwitz put on vaudeville shows.
“Wit produced on the precipice of hell was not frivolity, but psychological necessity,” Steve Lipman writes in Laughter in Hell: The Use of Humor During the Holocaust. “ ‘We kept our morale through humor,’ says Emil Fachenheim, an Auschwitz survivor.”
In public, the right to joke is reserved for those most affected: Gottfried did not lose his children to a tsunami and thus can’t make jokes. To live as a slave or in a concentration camp and joke about your condition is not the same as us making jokes about either today.
And yet. Are we all not also affected by this, to a far milder but still real degree, as fellow humans? It’s been nearly a week since the Japan earthquake and tsunami hit. The world has been processing a continuously unfolding horror — uncounted thousands dead, far more homeless, plus crippled reactors on the brink of full-blown catastrophe. I’m not so sure that cracking a joke at some point isn’t a natural human response, as opposed to maintaining an unwavering expression of generic anguish and continual pro forma concern.
People joke — part of the issue here is how technology has blurred the line between public and private. I’m sure Gottfried didn’t realize he was quitting his Aflac gig when he made those tweets; his timing was off and, as a comic should know, timing is everything.
Private laughter is inevitable, especially during tragedies. I laughed over the situation in Japan, and I’ll tell you exactly when: It was when news broke about the volcano. It just seemed to be cruel fate turning the knife one twist too many. An earthquake. A tsunami. Pending nuclear disaster. And now an erupting volcano. You have to laugh, don’t you?
“Jeez,” I said out loud to myself, with an amazed, sardonic chuckle, “Poor Japan. What’s next — a hail of burning frogs?”
Does that make me a bad person? Indifferent to the plight of the Japanese? Should the paper fire me, too, for printing that just now?
I would suggest that, while you’re always safe with nodding solemnity, laughter is what people who are themselves under the lash of fate find true comfort in.
The French editor Jean-Dominique Bauby suffered a brain stem stroke in 1995 that left him completely paralyzed. All he could do was flutter his left eyelid, which he used to dictate the bittersweet, haunting memoir The Diving Bell and the Butterfly.
In it, he is parked every day in front of a glass case at a hospital on the Norman Coast, facing a marble bust of the Empress Eugenie.
Eventually he notices his own reflection:
“An unknown face interposed itself between us. Reflected in the glass I saw the head of a man who seemed to have emerged from a vat of formaldehyde. His mouth was twisted, his nose damaged, his hair tousled, his gaze full of fear. One eye was sewn shut, the other goggled. . . .
“Whereupon a strange euphoria came over me. Not only was I exiled, paralyzed, mute, half deaf, deprived of all pleasures and reduced to the existence of a jellyfish, but I was also horrible to behold. There comes a time when the heaping up of calamities brings on uncontrollable nervous laughter — when, after a final blow from fate, we decide to treat it all as a joke. My jovial cackling at first disconcerted Eugenie, until she herself was infected by my mirth. We laughed until we cried.”
That is sometimes all you can do in a world where horror and humor blur into one.
“Our house is gone,” said Kyoko Nambu, 49, as she gazed at Soma, her ruined hometown, “and now they are telling us to stay indoors.”
— Originally published in the Sun-Times, March 16, 2011
Laughing at ourselves is different than someone laughing at us. I usually don't find humor in other people's pain. I have actually stopped watching a current comedian after he made a joke about the last minutes of plane passengers as it went down.
ReplyDelete"...every tragedy in the history of the world quickly becomes the butt of jokes"
ReplyDeleteHell, yeah. At least as long as I've been alive...and long before that. In the Fifties, it was called "sick humor." There were paperbacks with nothing but "sick jokes." I had a few. And then there were the Holocaust jokes in my early teens. i posted a couple recently. Not gonna go there again.
And the really historic tragedies of all kinds have always been fair game:
Q) Who sang "Smoke Gets In Your Eyes" in 1958?
A) The Our Lady of Angels Children's Choir.
Q) What does a Kennedy headache feel like?
A) Like the top of your head is coming off.
Q.) What was the score of the Kent State game?
A) National Guard 4, Hippies 0.
Q.) What does NASA stand for?
A) Need Another Seven Astronauts.
You get the general idea.
And then there are all the ones from the biggest tragedy of our time...
The Trump jokes. How much time have you got?
And the hundreds of derisive nicknames.
Gotta laugh.. to keep from crying. It's the way of the world.
Humor provides a way to step back from whatever is happening and view your circumstances, misfortune or even tragedy with a bit of detachment. We sometimes call it "gallows humor", but it is still an effective coping mechanism. When I think back on public remarks made at funerals, I tend to most remember the shared laughter over some of the stories that were told during those speeches. People appreciate being able to laugh amidst their sadness. We can both grieve and laugh at the same time.
ReplyDeleteGottfried was the kind of comedian I should have actively disliked. That irritating voice. I listened to one of his podcasts and was immediately hooked. It was the most hilariously entertaining (and curiously informative) couple of hours of my week when it became available each week. It was mainly interviews with old time performers, writers, producers who told remarkable and funny stories. When Gottfried unexpectedly passed away it was a gut punch. He was a truly interesting and funny person. I occasionally listen to old ones but it is a melancholy experience.
ReplyDeleteLife is funny. Right up to the point where it kicks you in the balls. Then it's hilarious.
ReplyDeleteThe wisest words i have ever been told was "I tell jokes and make fun, because if i don't i will cry."
ReplyDeleteWords to live by
I can just see the crowd of journalists listening to Kyoko Nambu very seriously detail her losses including her house, trying to hide their guilty laughter as she caps it off with, "And now they're telling us to stay indoors!"
ReplyDeletejohn
Doctors and nurses who work in the emergency room, homicide detectives, morticians, soldiers who have seen combat, they all have their own "sick" sense of humor that they may share among themselves but the rest of us would find shocking.
ReplyDeleteGottfried did a hilarious gag where he impersonated Jackie Gleason as Ralph Kramden playing Rick Blaine, the role that Humphrey Bogart had in the movie Casablanca. "O-oh, you're getting on that plane, Ilsa!"
ReplyDeleteNeil, definitely go for the humor in the remarks for your mother's funeral. It helps to remind people that life is to be enjoyed, and it was enjoyed, and that you're not all gathered here today just to mope about death.
ReplyDeleteI had to write two eulogies for Dad, one for the memorial service at his assisted living home and the other for the family funeral at his long-time church. They were two different situations to remember: one for his latest years; the other for all the years, and life, and marriage, and kids, that led up to that ending. Thus the latter eulogy was going to be a tall order.
I segued into talking about Dad's contributions to our lives by mentioning the memorial service for my mother, who had passed away 14 years earlier, and had had the same memorial that we were having for Dad. During the 2011 memorial, we were invited to step up and place a handful of soil in the columbarium hole where her ashes were placed, and I couldn't help noticing the lettering on the side of the green plastic tub of soil provided: WILMETTE RECYCLING PROGRAM. (A wave of laughter spread through the church.) I used that as the start of my comments on how we should make the most of our time on this side of the soil.
Dad's ashes would be buried next to hers in the same columbarium, and Lo and Behold, they're still using that same green tub, a detail that gave many an extra chuckle when we stepped outside for Dad's interment at the end of the service. Humor is what helps us through all kinds of sad situations: it lets us bury sad memories by putting good ones on top.