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| Shaylin Takesue (right) was one of nearly 50,000 Americans who died by suicide in 2023. Her friend Krissy Jerkatis (left) will be among 6,000 participants in the Out of the Darkness Chicagoland Walk Saturday at Montrose Harbor. |
Shaylin Takesue was smart and funny and beautiful, inside and out. In high school, she played volleyball, despite being 5-foot-1. She was a libero, the back row defensive player. At Illinois State University, where her little sister Olivia was also a student, Shaylin was busy and popular, interested in mental health. She had her own struggles, battling depression. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder, she sometimes spoke of suicide. But that seemed under control in the spring of 2023. Shaylin was out partying with her friends when, eight days before graduation, she abruptly killed herself at age 22, without planning or a note. Her sister found her body.
“It’s hard,” said her mother, Michelle Takesue, of Batavia. “You always think it’s going to happen to somebody else. Not you. We spend our whole life as a parent trying to keep our kids safe. You love them more than anything in the world. You fear that something could happen to them, but you don’t really get it until something does, something you pray never happens, the biggest heartache anyone could imagine.”
Suicide is the second leading cause of death for Americans in their 20s. Impulsive suicides are common — one study found that a quarter of those making serious suicide attempts consider the act for less than five minutes beforehand. Suicide can be seen as a kind of infectious disease — that’s why journalists are asked not to describe the exact method of a specific suicide, so as not to inspire copycats.
Chicagoland Walk Saturday from 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. at Montrose Harbor. Six thousand people whose lives are affected by suicide are expected to attend the walk, sponsored by the Illinois chapter of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
Sixty are representing Shaylin Takesue.
“We did the first one in Bloomington-Normal, right after she passed away,” said her father, Tim Takesue. “To me, it was completely eye-opening. A little bit of healing, understanding that we are definitely not alone. To see how much this has affected people.”
The walk is a blend of outdoor festival and somber commemoration, embodied by the “honor beads” participants wear — color-coded Mardi Gras strands: white for loss of a child, red for a spouse or partner, gold for a parent.
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Waving actually witnessed a suicide by Metra train over 16 years ago, it never ever leaves you. I always get nervous when I see someone on the platform getting antsy or staying too close to the tracks, expecting the worst. Then a couple of years later, waiting for a train, I could see the headlights, then a single blast on the air horn & the train stopped a mile away. Sure enough, it was another one.
ReplyDeleteDue to the policies of the Cook County Medical Examiner. the trains in both directions are stopped for 90-120 minutes, until someone from that office comes out & says, yes that person is dead.
The only person I feel sorry for is the train's engineer. Nothing he can do to prevent it & then he gets I believe two weeks off with pay & talk to a shrink if necessary. I've read some of them never go back to the job, they are too traumatized by it!
On top of that, if it occurs during rush hours, tens of thousands are inconvenienced by this act of selfishness!
It is indeed a selfish act, Clark. St. And in this case I guess the meds or counseling didn't help this young lady. I feel bad for the Mom and family.
DeleteI wonder what type of ethnicity the name Takesue is, very unique and a sad story.
DeleteImagine the depth of despair that would drive someone to do this. I think of it as more a desperate attempt at relief than as an act of selfishness.
DeleteWhat drives a person to end his/her life can be, I suppose, either very simple or incredibly complicated. Many years ago, I made an initial tentative step towards self harm by volunteering for military service in Viet Nam, though I ended up very much alive, not even endangered as far as I know, and more sorry for the Vietnamese than for myself.
Deletetate
I believe it's not only the Medical Examiner who holds up all the trains, but the NTSB has to be notified -- and perhaps send an agent to the scene.
DeleteWas in the "railfan seat" on one of the old CTA 6000s (the green-and-white "L" cars that ran for over 40 years and which were nicknamed Spam Cans) when I witnessed a woman jump in front of the train. Happened in the downtown subway. As soon as the train stopped, I was out the door, before the screaming even began, Sprinted up the stairs as fast as my legs could carry me. Had no desire to stick around, or to answer any questions, or to see the results.
ReplyDeleteHad just moved back to Chicago about five months earlier, from Florida. During that same month (September 1975), I also witnessed two charred bodies being carried out of a torched building at LaSalle and Division (why they were not covered is unknown), and was just feet away from a robber who was shot in the head by a jewelry store owner on Madison. In the heart of the Loop, at lunchtime, on a crowded sidewalk. Once again, I boogied out of the vicinity as quickly as possible.
Were all those events traumatizing? Of course. Did my trauma last long? Not really. Was 28, glad to be back home, and rationalized these events by telling myself: "You're in Chicago. Shit happens. Get used to it." Three events in a month. Lived in Evanston and on the North Side for the next 17 years, and never experienced another time like it.
You had me until the mention of the teeming hordes "inconvenienced by this act of selfishness." That one person who took their own life matters more than any number of commuters who end up with a valid excuse for being late to work or to school.
"The death of one man is always a tragedy. The death of thousands is statistics"--was a quote widely misattributed to Joseph Stalin. And suicides are especially tragic. A permanent solution to a temporary problem.
It's still somewhat selfish.
DeleteThe few times I've seen it happen, it's been in the evening rush, where (I'd guess) the person has spent all day being miserable and seeing the oncoming train as the answer.
Depression tamps down empathy, so if someone can think about the train engineer and/or the many commuters just trying to get home, there's a chance for them to go on a bit longer, and let whatever help is trying to reset the brain chemicals do their work.
There are other ways of killing yourself that doesn't cause tens of thousands of people huge delays in going places, which can mean missing appointments or possibly losing their jobs for being late.
DeleteThe old man who just laid down in front of that train, lived at Hollywood & Sheridan, just a block from the lake, so he could've jumped in the lake & drowned, inconveniencing only the fire department members that have to pull the body out of the lake. They're used to that!
First responders are never as “used to it” as many believe.
Deleteclark st. you never cease to amaze me with your constant complainting. show a shred of common decency would you?
DeleteThe sadness, the hopelessness they feel when they are forced to commit this act of pain to themselves no matter how they do it always makes me very sad.
ReplyDeleteIt’s an act prompted by unspeakable pain, traumatic for loved ones left behind and bystanders. In my experience reading letters, and based on my studies and direct experience with families, there often is no perceived “self” to satisfy. Often not “selfishness,” then, but a sense of pervasive emptiness; unable to live in a world that doesn’t make sense to them.
ReplyDeleteSome letters I’ve seen that tried to explain are seared in my memory. Such pain.
I don't think that applies to everyone. I have read of young athletes that for no apparent reason have comitted suicide. They come from good homes. Apparently nothing seems wrong to the parents. Who thinks there kids are going to kill themselves.
DeleteMy son ended his life at 20 years old ten years ago. My husband and I attend LOSS, Loving Outreach for Survivors of Suicide support group sponsored by Catholic Charities (The group is non-denominational. )
ReplyDeleteNot a group anyone wants to join, but talking over this unique grief with others who are experiencing similar tragedy is tremendously helpful in processing the loss. Without exception, guilt plays a major part in aftermath of suicide. "What could I have done?" or "What didn't I do?" permeate our thoughts and prevent us from processing our grief. As Fr. Charles Rubey says, we must do what we can to keep on keeping on. LOSS has helped us do this and focus on our son's beautiful time on this earth rather than his tragic death.
Many years ago I read a book that is adjacent to this topic. I believe the book was called "on my honor."
ReplyDeleteI remember struggling immensely with it. I recall talking with my mom about it for hours.
What sticks with me the most is about how death effects the people who are still alive so much more than those who are gone.
I do not know if it is the right way to approach suicide but following this book I took on the idea that suicide is the most selfish thing a person can do. Ending your life is the easy way out. For some people that is the only option available, and as a society we have failed them.
We need to do a better job about de stigmatizing suicide.
We need to do a better job about how our society treats people.
We need to do a better job with social media.
We need to do better.
Studs Terkel interviewed a physicist and astronomer who had been suicidal in his forties. It appeared in one of his books. He suddenly had a thought about his girlfriend. And that was: What would happen to HER if I were gone tomorrow?
ReplyDeleteAnd then he realized: "Your life is NOT yours. Part of your life is part of everybody else's life who loves you and cares about you. If I kill myself, I would kill that part of her that SHE has invested in ME."
He realized that he could not do that, or be that selfish. And after reading that, the sudden realization hit me that I have felt the same way. I could never do that to my wife. She has devoted half-a-lifetime to me.
Committing suicide also means killing a piece of other people...the ones who care about you and have invested their time, energy, and love in you. And that may be the most selfish thing that anyone can ever do.
Tragically there are some people who have nobody that care about them and nowhere to go.
DeleteSo true, Sergio. And I'll be one of them, for sure, if my wife dies before I do.
DeleteI survived my suicide attempt, none of you have attempted it, so don’t call it a selfish act, you don’t know the pain & despair I was in, you don’t know what anybody who attempts suicide is thinking & feeling. Save your sanctimonious judgement to yourself.
ReplyDeleteSomeone who has been there.
Selfishness? Ultimate selfishness? Stop worshipping your navels and consider the emptiness, pain and despair that prompts most suicides. Beats taking out others before offing yourself. Who are we to judge their real or even perceived pain isn't a good enough reason? I understand no one wants the gore that accompanies many suicides, but we outlaw humane self- inflected death. As I've aged, I have witnessed enough anguish the human body produces on its way to death, that I will not judge anyone who chooses to climb off the cross even if it fucks up the long-suffering, silent, cheerful, etc ad nauseum obituaries their survivors celebrate. The old catholic rule that suicide was an unforgiveable sin -no matter how much "god" tortures you- so you could not be buried on consecrated ground is crap. Under the current and worsening healthcare system, every medicare and medicaid person should be given medical ammunition for when they can't take anymore. It's more honest and merciful than what we pretend.
ReplyDeleteI’ll shift gears here and write as though I’m sitting across someone in the throes of dealing with this devastating loss, who can’t stop asking why they left this way, thus dragging them through the hell of of the loss:
ReplyDelete“When someone dies by suicide, it is often because their pain has narrowed their thinking so far that they couldn't see another way out. That’s not the same as choosing to hurt the people they love, and it isn’t a measure of how much they loved you.
No one can know exactly what was in their mind, and many carry that unanswerable question. You may find that you hold two things at once (as mother, father, sibling, friend): the reality of how much this hurts, and the understanding that their pain was larger than their ability to see you.”
Emotional/mental anguish can be searing. We should do all we can to learn signals, and understand how to address this and be encouraging to others. (We might also learn to have mercy on ourselves and others, and learn to deal with pain in a manner that doesn’t result in more of it.)
Bottom line - if we are here and someone we love takes their life and we are left wondering in a thousand directions, considering the person “selfish” extends a judgment where it seems love and mercy is called for, for the sake of one’s own recovery after a loss as devastating as this.
In light of Chad Lowes daughter committing suicide this is timely. She was 13. Apparently being bullied. Kids can be so meane espcially when kids read everything said about them on line.
ReplyDeleteIt seems like many years ago suicide attempts were less lethal, so an impulsive act would more often lead to help instead of a funeral. I find the rise in suicides frightening, particularly because its affecting younger people, often without warning. i hate the trend of "live-streaming" suicide attempts, too. But as sanford notes, the internet is often a contributing factor, so i guess I shouldn't be surprised by it. Suicide is a horrible and multi-factored public health problem and society is moving in a helpful direction by not hiding its existence and instead working to de-stigmatize it. I remember decades ago when Michael Scott (maybe head of Chicago Schools?) shot himself. The Black community refused to accept it because of a myth that suicide doesn't happen in the Black community. Suicide rates have risen among Blacks since then, but at least the denial has lessened. there are things we can do as a society, and gun control would be a good place to start.
ReplyDeleteFor anyone still on this thread - in light of the tragedy of Fiona Lowe, it’s important to understand that youth suicide has been all too prevalent of late in the Chicago Metro area. It is not always reported as such, for many reasons. It is absolutely gut wrenching for all concerned and everyone in the child’s world is affected for life. Just know this. Look kindly upon children around you if possible in this world where adults are overwhelmed.
ReplyDelete