Hog wild

 

   My stock of Yiddish phrases is not very deep. But I do know "shonda fur di goyim" — a disgrace in front of the gentiles. Usually directed at a member of the tribe who, by playing into some ethnic stereotype, has embarrassed his religion before those who are too quick to scorn us anyway.
     I've always viewed that attitude with skepticism. It seems predicated on the mistaken notion that haters are making judgments, gathering facts. When they begin with their conclusions, and cherry pick only the facts that fit. I don't have many rules as a writer, but "Don't write for people who hate you," is one of them. People who consider Jews cheap are going to do so whether I pinch pennies or not.
     I also don't write for the easily embarrassed. When I wrote Friday's column about ordering a pork chop at the Old Ebbitt Grill in Washington, DC, I had my concerns — it was a trivial, share-my-high-life kind of post. I decided not to mention that the pork chop cost $35. Class distinctions inflame, why pour gasoline on the fire?
     I also didn't put in a few sentences explaining that YES, I know, I'm a JEW ordering a pork chop. Deal with it. First, I've said exactly that before. And second, I only had 790 words to tell a story that ended up being complicated. I decided to accept what flack I got for being who I am.
     In the end, it was only one guy. Let's call him David, since that is his name. David writes:

     I have been reading and enjoying your column for years. It's one of the reasons I still subscribe to the Sun Times. However, I was disturbed by your Friday column restaurants and pork chops.
     I personally don't care what a person eats or if they choose to consume something that might not fit in with their culture. Live and let live has always been the way I've conducted my life. In this case though, coming from a Jew, which I am too, I think glorifying pork chops complete with a picture sends the wrong message to many of your readers.
      Some readers, particularly non-Jews, may be confused thinking pork chops are off limits to Jews and I think to most Jews, that's where they draw a line. Virtually all of my friends who do not keep kosher avoid eating pork and bacon.
     In my mind, a Jewish guy writing a column about pork chops is inappropriate. As I said, you have every right to eat whatever you want but to see you, who occasionally writes about things Jewish, which I appreciate, writing such a column was very disappointing.
     I will continue to enjoy your column but please, at the very least, publicly respect a tradition that goes back thousands of years. You don't have to keep kosher to do that.

     I might not have answered at all. But he was, he said, a fan. He deserved a response of some sort. I thought carefully and answered this way.

     Let me start by saying that I appreciate that you have been reading for so many years. I appreciate your loyalty, and should probably just leave it at that.
     However. It troubles me that, despite this steady readership, so little of my worldview seems to have worn off. Perhaps you've read, but not for comprehension. Perhaps you've been skimming. If that is the case, let me urge you toward greater focus. Because if anything is clear from my column, it is that, while I am a proud Jew, I am not what they call a shomer shabbos Jew. I have never suggested I am any kind of role model or, indeed, anybody other than who I am. This can't be news to you. In fact, I've even addressed the pork chop issue, and quite recently. Here, please read the top of this. That's why I didn't take time in Friday's column to try to ward off a letter such as yours.
     Since you are a regular reader, I'll only ridicule you a little, in a gentle fashion. Here's what you said: while you yourself don't care what a person eats, you nevertheless care enough that I should pretend not to eat pork, or at least not admit to it in print. Because non-Jews, mistakenly, think pork chops are off limits to Jews. And we need to encourage that error so ... here I lose the thread. So they don't think less of us? I can't imagine doing the same thing for other faiths, castigating Christians for missing Easter services, or Muslims for not praying five times a day facing Mecca. Are these not personal choices?
     You go on: since "most of your friends" don't eat pork — how could you possibly know? Have you asked them? — I should pretend not to eat pork too? In case we ever become friends?
     Honestly, David, if I were to compare both our lapses: my enjoying pork chops in print, and you feeling that Jews need to present a unified front, pretending to engage in practices which few of them actually do — and up to 85 percent of American Jews do not keep Kosher — I would humbly suggest that it is I who are displaying the more traditional Jewish values, at least to the degree that we still value honesty, individuality, sincerity and the like.
     I think that's enough. If you don't mind — and even if you do — I think I'll post this on my blog on Tuesday for the benefit of my most loyal readers. But don't worry, I will shield your name, to protect you from embarrassment. I recognize that it takes chutzpah to write to a newspaper columnist, and respect you for making the effort. But I hope you then accept my response in the spirit it was intended.

     No answer of course. Reading this a second time, I worry I was too hard on a landsman — another Yiddish term, for a fellow Jew from your general area. Sometimes I can be heavy-handed. Should I have gone for a lighter touch?