My older son moved to a place without grocery stores, Well, there must be some somewhere, but none within walking distance, and he doesn't own a car.
Which is not the problem you might think it is — okay, not the problem I might have thought it could be — because he gets all his groceries from Amazon. He orders them now, Whole Foods drops them off in an hour. It makes a lot of sense.
To him. To me, well ... I knew Amazon was there, and knew it owned Whole Foods, but to see it in practice was ... a surprise. I like going to the grocery store. Ride my bike to Sunset Foods, disconnect the front basket, wear it over my forearm, almost like a purse — almost like Nathan Lane in "The Birdcage." I feel part of something. Almost like I belong.
My wife orders things from Amazon. "Need anything from Amazon?" she says. I thought hard, then said, tentatively: "You know those gel pens? We don't have any. Some gel pens might be nice. Blue."
A day or two later, this box showed up. Gel pens! I'm not going to insult you by making the obvious observation, that the volume of the box is 50 times greater than the size of the pens. It would be inefficient to have boxes in more sizes than necessary, and small boxes could get more easily lost. Toss it in a box, deliver the box, recycle the box. Who cares? Not me. No siree.
I only note these changes, I don't shake my fist. A postman was a member of the community. He checked on shut-ins, collected a cookie at Christmas. Northbrook has a bronze memorial to a beloved mail carrier. The Amazon driver, well, he's in and out, pausing only to snap a picture of the box on your stoop, to wash his hands of it. You could be hanging out the window with a knife in your back and ... well, I don't want to malign out of ignorance. I'm sure plenty of Amazon drivers have burst into burning homes to rescue a baby. At least I hope they have.
Even that driver, he — or she — is an interregnum. In a few years — five, ten tops — the truck will drive itself, and some drone or little wheeled thing will spurt up your driveway, fling the box at your steps and retreat back to the truck for the next box.
It really is a very nice pen. But good only for writing things. In a notebook. We all have our limitations.
I relate to this. I ordered a pedometer some years back. (I try to avoid Amazon whenever possible.) It came in, as you can imagine, a very little box itself. But it was shipped in a box about as big as yours. Surely there's *one size smaller that makes sense for Amazon?
ReplyDeleteBut I share your affinity for writing implements. The other night, I signed a receipt at a restaurant and said, out loud to the server, "Ooh, nice pen!" I didn't note the brand. I should have. I'd buy some.
Other outfits also send small things in big packages. My meds...vitamins and other pills...come in small containers that arrive in huge boxes, stuffed with padding. Sometimes, one container of fish oil arrives in a huge box. Crazy, man, crazy!
DeleteThe main culprit in this instance? CVS...
DeleteBut what the hell...they own the insurance company that pays for the meds.
i wouldn't order from amazon if they were the last store on earth
ReplyDeleteme too
DeleteMaybe this is obvious but I’m not great at picking up cues: is the person in the “stay back from the edge sign” supposed to look like Trump.
ReplyDeleteJerry L
Don't think so. Sign looks pretty weatherbeaten, and not all that new. The hairstyle and the boots lead me to believe that it's meant to be one of those smart-assed frat bros. The Snarky Boys. The ones who think warning signs apply to somebody else. The fact that the hair does indeed resemble Sniffy's? Probably just a fortuitous co-inky-dink.
DeleteI think the picture says it all...you might have taken the day off...submitted the picture only as your column today...such a slice of modern day life!
ReplyDeleteI have to admit that I am something of an Amazon junkie--wondering if I can claim my local driver as a dependent. I do try the store first, but if they haven't got it, Amazon usually does. My brother feels very different. His wife was a storefront craft retailer and Amazon and the big boxes made competing ultimately impossible. Would there be a store in your son's neighborhood if Amazon wasn't delivering?
ReplyDeleteAmazon was a godsend when I was caring for a parent in declining health. I didn't have time to shop and urgent needs arose on a daily basis. A walker then a transport chair, then yes, even a hospital bed. Not to mention all the other stuff you find at a hospital bedside. I was grateful for the convenience, though I did check to make sure all those boxes weren't made by Uline. (they're not). At the time, I felt as long as I recycled the boxes, I could be guilt-free.
ReplyDeleteI continued the practice during Covid lockdown, but now make an effort to buy locally when I can. Local inventory is no longer what it once was. If I can't find what I'm looking for at 2 local places, I order from Amazon. And when I get notification that my package has been delivered, I always give the delivery worker the highest ratings possible. They are always "friendly" and "above and beyond" even when I never interacted with them. For one, I don't think their job security should be based on customer reviews and two, its a tough, underpaid job.
We have a curbside mailbox. We love our postal person. Every Christmas he (sometimes she) gets a box of candy. Likewise the drivers who collect our garbage and recycle stuff. Neil, I love that you still use a notebook. Reminds me of Peter Falk as Lt. Calumbo. (“Oh, just one more thing…”)
ReplyDeleteOh a box of candy!
ReplyDelete