The problem with vanity license plates is that, typically, they're more vain than clever. "CAR4MOM" or "VROOOM" or whatever. I can't recall seeing one and thinking, "'Yes! That's very cool."
Which sums up my thinking when I saw this plate in the parking lot of a trailhead at Starved Rock State Park on Thursday. While I've never had a mammogram, the process has been described to me well enough to know exactly what "Smush" refers to, and in case there were any question, the plate has the pink ribbon of breast cancer prominently displayed.
As I was admiring the plate, the owner arrived, and seemed nonplussed to find a stranger examining her car closely. That's the beauty of surviving an ordeal — you tend not to sweat the small stuff.
Karen Aldworth, of Shorewood, laughed when I asked if I could take her photo and told her the name of the blog I intended to post it on. She said yes but, being a thorough, considerate sort, I explained that once a thing goes online, you never know how people might react.
Which sums up my thinking when I saw this plate in the parking lot of a trailhead at Starved Rock State Park on Thursday. While I've never had a mammogram, the process has been described to me well enough to know exactly what "Smush" refers to, and in case there were any question, the plate has the pink ribbon of breast cancer prominently displayed.
As I was admiring the plate, the owner arrived, and seemed nonplussed to find a stranger examining her car closely. That's the beauty of surviving an ordeal — you tend not to sweat the small stuff.
Karen Aldworth, of Shorewood, laughed when I asked if I could take her photo and told her the name of the blog I intended to post it on. She said yes but, being a thorough, considerate sort, I explained that once a thing goes online, you never know how people might react.
"I don't care!" she exuded. That's the beauty of...well, you get the point. She explained the process behind coming up with the plate.
"I thought,'breast cancer survivor,'" she said, of herself. "It's a mammogram plate. I wanted something to go along with a mammogram plate."
"You immediately know what you mean," I said, citing the mark of good writing.
"You do!" she said. "Men and women both know what I mean."
"I thought,'breast cancer survivor,'" she said, of herself. "It's a mammogram plate. I wanted something to go along with a mammogram plate."
"You immediately know what you mean," I said, citing the mark of good writing.
"You do!" she said. "Men and women both know what I mean."
And she was was gone, off into the woods, hiking briskly.
She's cool!
ReplyDeletePefecto. SMUSH is the word my wife has always used to describe what a mammogram is like. And she's right. At a Cleveland Clinic open house, the procedure was demonstrated for me, by my wife and a helpful nurse (Actually, they did it ON me). And it really IS a smush. Always thought it wasn't such a BFD. I thought wrong. And I felt like a boob.
ReplyDeleteVanity plates ARE so vain. Which is why they're called vanity plates, instead of clever plates. I have seen many that made me say: "Damn! That's pretty clever!" Yiddish words, such as KVETCH and BOYCHIK. Puns...and wordplay. Saw IM1RU12 in California. When I still lived in Illinois, I had LEO NINE for a while...I was born in August. Tried to get LEO 037...it works forwards, backwards, and even upside down. No dice.
Illinois is big on vanity plates...Ohio is not. You don't see that many. They carry an expensive surcharge, and this deep-red state maintains a lengthy list of hundreds of banned words and number-letter combos, most of them sketchy...or simply obscene. People send in some pretty stupid applications, and think they're being...clever. Nope. Rejected--by the respectable gentlefolk of North Missitucky.
Example: OSU fans can't apply for H8 MICH... anything else with "H8" (hate) is taboo. Even H8 WOKE. So are curse words or sexual references. No PIZZONU. No ASS or A55. People try to slip a lot of double meanings and obscurities and foreign words and sleaze past the censors...er...the review board. Their shit list grows longer every year.
My Cub vanity plates are not a problem. Have had them for 32 years. One came off after an accident. A cop stole it. Go figure. And there have been numerous other theft attempts, both here and in Chicago. Especially in Chicago. Had to drill holes in my trunk and fasten the plates from INSIDE. Stopped doing that years ago. If they get stolen, the state will just replace them (for free, I hope). The Cubs remain very popular, even in places quite far removed from Illinois.
Good friend of mine in Roselle, is an avid bridge player. For years his plate has been NO TRUMP. He says occasionally drivers flash him the bird, but overwhelmingly he gets thumbs up, or other positive gestures.
ReplyDeleteSpot on Neil
ReplyDeleteYears ago saw PPMD on the plate of a fire engine red convertable... took me a minute
ReplyDeleteMany good medical ones out there.
DeleteOn Seinfeld, there was the ASSMAN.
Which, in Real Life, would not be flying.
Grizz should have his own column! Funny and informative!
ReplyDeleteHe kinda does. ; )
DeleteToday’s Grizz comment is longer than Neil’s post!
DeleteActually, I did have a column once. Seventh and eighth grade.
DeleteTwice a month. Our junior high school's newspaper.
Got too cute and too snarky. Was unceremoniously fired.
Boss Lady (a teacher) replaced me with somebody else.
I just never saw the attraction of vanity plates. Most are oblique and aren't that clever when they are decipherable. And I never wanted to pay the extra fee, which seems as wasteful as buying lottery tickets. As for mammograms, I have them every year and they're not that big a deal. Just another routine medical indignity women are subject to. But "squash" seems a better descriptor. IMO.
ReplyDeleteDepends on what you consider a “big deal” to be. I find them quite painful, and I have a reasonable tolerance for pain. I’m convinced that if they were routinely given to men, a less uncomfortable that would have been developed years ago.
DeleteRight, because prostate exams were developed with the comfort of men front of mind.
DeleteYou have been in Northbrook all these years and never saw the Mercedes convertible with "Was Hiz'?
ReplyDeleteThere's a house on Dale St. in Normal, Il. with an inscription over the door: HAD HER WAY. Kids on campus refer to it as The Haderway House.
DeleteMy favorite from a divorced female friend...."Wazbund"
DeleteYears ago in Rogers park I saw a car with the plate "NTIFADA", I immediately complained to the Secretary of State's office about it being anti-Semitic. But I never heard back so I don't know if they rejected it & pulled it off his car.
ReplyDeleteAlso saw a small sports car with the plate "ASDIP", asked the driver & she said it meant "Another Shitty Day In Paradise".
Had MSHUGA plates for years. Followed that with DDEADD 1 (Yes, Deadhead). When I gave the car to my daughter who is a high school Special Ed teacher, she changed them so as not to have them misinterpreted by the students.
ReplyDeleteEver since 1984, when I was into computers and most others were not, I've had "I BYTE" on a succession of sporty cars, beginning with a Trans Am T/A 6.6, and since 1996 a supercharged Bonneville SSEi. (Okay, in 1984 I thought it was riotously funny, though one lady thought I was a dentist)
ReplyDeleteOne day back around 1998, early in the evening, the phone rang, and it's my brother in law. "Your car is going to be on the Ten O'Clock News!" (Quick check out the front window. Yup, car's still there.) "Um, why?"
"They're doing a feature story on unusual vanity plates, and they showed yours in a promo for the Ten O'Clock News! Better watch!"
So throughout the rest of the evening, we sort of knew when Channel 2 had run another promo for the late news, because seconds later we'd get a call from some friend or relative who'd just fallen out of their chair in surprise. A lot of people knew these plates.
This being 1998, I had to find a blank videotape and set up a VCR to record, but sure enough, that was me, I BYTE, in the story on vanity plates. Damn, I wonder where they'd found it. Must have been in a parking lot at Woodfield Mall in Schaumburg, perhaps -- Channel 2 loves to go out there because it's close to the expressway and they can get in and out real quick.
They'd filmed mine in extreme closeup at a funky angle -- you couldn't see anything of the car, just "I BYTE" filling the whole screen -- but then as we watched, the voiceover said, "Some plates reveal a more aggressive attitude," and they faded from my license plate into an interview with a Doctor Sheldon Greenberg, psychiatrist, who went on for some time about how you weren't supposed to antagonize drivers who pick out "aggressive" license plates because you never know what they might do. Yes! Mess with me and I'll make your software all buggy.
So that was my 15 Minutes of Fame, and it went to my car.
Excellent comment! And even longer than mine! Cool story, bro.
DeleteWhen I moved to Ohio in the early 90s, I applied for CUB FAN.
Had to accept my second choice. Apparently, FAN...has a ban.
The review board claims that the word is too similar to "fanny."
Seriously. You can't make this [stuff] up. Only in Ahia.
Gotta get this Grizz vs. Anonymous business straightened out. Ever since my desktop system was worked on, two weeks ago I get a choice. Sometimes, i forget to change it. Sorry.
DeleteSpotted in Boystown...EVL URGES a few years ago.
ReplyDeleteHere's a real gem of a plate. I was at the Crystal lake train station & saw a car with the Environmental Plate & the word "COLI". I asked the owner, he said he was the town's health inspector! So an "E COLI" plate!
ReplyDeleteA friend of mine has always been a huge fan of Sammy Hagar, the rock star. Sammy has always been known as the Red Rocker. So years ago my friend gets a vanity plate that spells out REDRCKER, maybe the ones with a space and an O were already taken. It was funny because at first glance it kinda looked like it was shortened version of red pecker.
ReplyDeleteCertainly esoteric, but instantly understood by Hagar fans. There's a Jeep in Flossmoor has one that Zeppelin fans instantly get, but probably befuddles everyone else: ZOSO IV
DeleteI remember eons ago seeing a plate in California: 10SNE1.
ReplyDeletePerhaps I'm dense (well, I suppose that's pretty well-established), but I couldn't figure that one out. In case anybody else wonders, googling it shows that it means "Tennis, Anyone?" Fairly obvious in retrospect!
Delete