By Paul Cabet (Musee d'Orsay) |
Since then, I have received regular emails from such individuals. Some mistake my soft tone as sympathy, and share their situations. Others assume I'm vastly fascinated with the topic and load me with information. Some detect my skepticism and object that they are being wronged.
Then there is this email, received Wednesday, which expresses all of that, and more. I'm sharing it, through the miracle of cut-and-paste technology. I'm not expecting you to read the entire thing. I certainly didn't, and in that case it is the first thing I've posted here without actually reading it all, for reasons that will become clear if, as I did, you try to do exactly that. I imagine that you'll start with good intentions, and at one point skim, then abandon the effort.
An actual caustic hard ass would just shrug and move on. Alas, that's only a pose with me. I thought carefully about my reply. Sometimes I write back with a version of Prof. LaPorte's stinging question: "What is it about you that makes a congress of agencies want to keep tabs on you?" They never answer. This time I wrote something heartfelt, designed to help. Naturally, I never heard back so I assume the effort was wasted. But I did try to help her in the best way I knew how, and I think that counts for something.
I'll shield her name, for her sake. LC writes:
Sad you blame the victims in your story who are suffer total social ousting, if you did your job sir you'd find out those of us this is happening to had very wonderfully normal lives before someone very powerful stole it out from under us. These people love that no one defends or believes us as it gives them power to harm more one by one. What if I had recorded evidence of what these people do? What if I told you I caught very unethical behaviors going on to show how far they will treat you? Its funny how many articles like yours drown out horrific things happening to many people you mock in disbelief and silence its due to our country having zero outlets of places we can report incidences to that really take the report seriously, that really research anything being said as for all we know there may be no honest people at the top of our media or any other agency who isnt part of this horrific domineering issue. I am a videographer, I also wrote a column for 3-4 years, I was blessed with many talents but I was born onto something no one should be and I assure you sir Im not nor have ever been crazy. I was born in CA, I learned recently about a DNA researcher who was injecting things into babies in 1966-68. In 1958 just prior you can find the very document that started this project signed by John McCain and Travelers insurance. Its a public government document that would shock Americans if they ever really decided to listen for a change to those of us whose lives are being decimated, I also have videos of how they are sending signaling late at night hovering over specific neighborhoods and there is on record stories that support using radio frequencies to harm military personnel and they killed a government official down in South America, but of course the stories quickly are told then forgotten. They have to have GPS signaling from one device that had an end receiver, its a known hazard of attack for military after navy ships were hit by their enemies, but the unsuspecting public blames those of us who know all this with falsified labels the medical doctors push to explain away all the physical damages. Well I have a surgeon talking about it on tape, its disgusting, they see the damages in you and they sit there nonchalantly speaking about it like its no big deal after you've been crippled into poverty status from painful attacks that are ruining your organs one by one. There excuse is upper management doesn't allow them to investigate further its against company regulations. The doctors get sloppy though, every once in awhile you get documents your not suppose to have but then what they do is force you in threats until they can get them back and destroy it, my phone, computer its constantly being controlled and hacked you can find the tracking files in the back end of the OS and system files but Im not so good at IT as I don't know C++ but I aim to learn it some day so I can get rid of the files I don't have permissions to delete but I sure in hell know why they are there. After Obamacare there was a change in lab requirements at the CDC, it made labs chosen for population research studies exempt for regular policies. If you are harmed as a citizen labs and doctors do NOT have to report anything to the patient not even if it causes terminal illnesses. So until you sir do more than merely make a judgement against those of us fighting for our health these people ruin as well as our chance to survive in the real world you have done a severe injustice in your reporting. In my case Cleveland Clinic caused vile harm, those of us sick we are funneled into a program called QMB, my disability judgment I had attorney present was totally violated, they found a way to take everything the judge granted away from me through lousy doctors and state officials who only pose to be interested in helping you to find out what you have as evidence they need silenced forever. This is when you phones are tapped, you might come home with your door open or your gate might explain to you people are getting in you don't know or authorize. There's a lot of ways they operate. It worldwide network and they operate through a religion. They've managed to get into our schools, our local police, several cutting edge technology companies that then got bids for important satellite and government security programs. Once your on the list you never get off and they own the legal system so its impossible to find an attorney to help defend you. If I do a search with entering my information on Bar Associations I get a message "you are not authorized to access" same thing happens if I try and retrieve medical history but its only with the doctors who are taking part, the problem is our devices and searches are being heavily controlled by these same organizations and believe me I can prove every last thing Im saying here, so I know when you ignore this email and pass me off for crazy why. See people like you and the moral majority cant imagine much of anything if its not you its happening to but its your ignorance and lack of interest to do real research that will allow the rest of us to be victimized over and over again. We cant even tell our stories to anyone in the age of online police patrolling.... why? Why are words silenced today, why are people so afraid of truth? So you understand clearly Im sending you a second email with photos of the damages I live in day in and day out and so you clearly understand how much these people take, you give me an address sir I have recordings, videos, and major supporting documents to support every damn thing Ive tried to be heard on since my government decided to run aerosol testing over my neighborhood then refuse proper metals testing for 6 years so I now am battling the
beginning stages of small cancerous masses forming all over my body while my doctors play paddy cake, tictoc and allow us to die under COVID hoax, and Im not saying people aren't sick from COVID, Im saying people would be outraged if they really knew the truth. If you think your safe, you aren't, everyone is dispendable here, if you're untouched its merely luck. In my case I have a rare blood type they don't understand which makes me a real find for experimentation and believe me I can tell you sheer horror stories of what they've already done. Most of us just want justice, we want the right to live without harassment and restrictions, we want the torture to stop. Im pretty sure I will die at the hands of these people. As of this moment my disability was cut off, been refused legal representation, they tried to empty my bank accounts through Chase, but when that didn't succeed they cut off my debit card I use at a time my rent was due and I needed a rental car from being rear ended, I don't trust my family after my father drug me down the road intentionally then lied to cops stating I jumped out. I actually felt unsafe in the car as they threatened me so I announced I was getting out at a stop sign, the injuries I suffered were unforgivable. Yeah my father was AF, German decent, ex Bill Gates IBM. The lack of support and what I consider sheer sabotage of my life let doctors know I was open target for experimentation, they've, destroyed my GI system, partially collapsed my lungs, given me heart damage, and have left me with masses forming in my liver, gallbladder, right lung, neck, and I just got two more painful ones that formed down left arm. Heparin bleeding then weaken my abdominal/pelvic region so I have two hernias Ive been refused surgery for so I keep retaining toxins, if you want to experience life in hell well Im living it. Then my dad just somehow trashes the backend of my car and deserts the situation. I have a classic Del Sol, loved this car, very reliable transportation on a below poverty income my government strapped me to illegally. I should be receiving SSI and SSDI this was my legal judgement, but never seen a dime of it after paying an attorney 6k to defend a health issue even the supporting pulmonary doctor announced to the judge and me crying that I would NEVER get better. Even I had more hope then that so it was horrifying to be sentenced into all this with zero sympathy to acknowledge I was listening in the room. See they knew what I was being exposed to, it took me several years to understand the weight of what this doctor knew that was at the time being hidden from me. So my insurance gets odd, starts stalling, their collision center trashed my car further than refuses to fix a simple loose bumper and I spent 1700 in my draining last of funds account only to get a call after weeks no one was going to fix it. The collision center tries to keep my entire bumper as he knew he pumped up the costs to let insurance do a false totaled claim, my car is a highly priced collectors item and they can cash in on the parts or soup it up for resale, either way me as the non responsible party gets screwed. No damages happened to the person who hit me who then cant once again tell the truth , once again Im the problem. Was shocked my dad even was given a traffic citation and they didn't lie and hand it to me instead. So the day I remind my Travelers Insurance (you know the company that signed the 1958 John McCain bill for population research under fake green projects), they first send me to Enterprise where I was denied a rental for reasons not explained, then even though my insurance policy states I should be reimbursed a 5 day rental, they used the denied rental as a way not to honor my policy and I pay instead with my dwindling reverse Im watching go fast due to stripping out my disability income I counted on for living on, then I go to pay and learn my bank shut off my debit card just coincidentally at the same time my family has stopped supporting me as they forced me to move after my home of 5 years was taken away due to my failing health. Then the day I get my bumper returned, Im referred to a new collision center who proceeds to ask if they can take the tension bar and another piece from my trunk, I said "well after last collision center tried to steal my entire bumper yes I do mind." He snaps out "well I cant help you then." I should of left with that remark, but I fell for the "well I need them to check on my computer for correct parts." Sadly these parts were in perfect condition, he never brought them back out, when i asked for them back before leaving after he sat down grinning while telling me he was no longer going to fix my car, he used the while "oh your so pretty I tell you what let me hang onto it longer and ill try and find the pieces you need." So I learn that if i file my claim I needed those pieces in order to pass inspections for the salvage title. I cant afford my rent, in 5 months my funds will be gone so I can't qualify for a car loan. Same day a certified letter arrives from my pcp, claiming I have psychological illness, I cant get legal counsel, are you understanding the set up these people have accomplished in two short months? This is how they operate, its a whole network and as Chase told me as I called to get back my account they illegally tried to take, "we did this because we can....click!" Im currently trying to buy cheap land but I am totally broke in 5 months and so far no one will let me see the land I can afford, weeks go buy and they gleefully tell me oh I just sold that today. Im not allowed a car, land, home, loans, low income housing, employment (I have chronic open wounds Ive been told its a company liability issue), they wont let me apply for food stamps or fix my disability/Medicaid they took from me. The whole time doctors try and force QMB where they have full control of who you see and what they do, its live lab rat human experimentation, but no one cares no one!
I replied:
Dear Ms. C.:
Later this morning, I'm visiting someone I think of as my "alcohol guy"—a counselor who specializes in addiction. I've been visiting him regularly for 15 years, not due to any crisis, but the way a person goes to the gym, to stay in shape and healthy. Going to see a mental health professional is not a sign of reduced sanity; in fact, like exercise, it is a necessary habit of the determinedly stable. I mention this personal detail to you, a stranger, to illustrate that there is no shame in seeking professional help, or talking to a counselor. If you're looking for someone to care about your very complicated situation, I would consider doing that rather than flinging your situation at journalists and demanding they care. It isn't that I don't care, I do, and I am illustrating that care by taking the time to point out the path you need to take if you want to soothe your distress. It is not easy; true solutions seldom are. But you are the one who needs to care about yourself, and to manifest that care by seeking trained help. Thank you for writing.
NS
Later this morning, I'm visiting someone I think of as my "alcohol guy"—a counselor who specializes in addiction. I've been visiting him regularly for 15 years, not due to any crisis, but the way a person goes to the gym, to stay in shape and healthy. Going to see a mental health professional is not a sign of reduced sanity; in fact, like exercise, it is a necessary habit of the determinedly stable. I mention this personal detail to you, a stranger, to illustrate that there is no shame in seeking professional help, or talking to a counselor. If you're looking for someone to care about your very complicated situation, I would consider doing that rather than flinging your situation at journalists and demanding they care. It isn't that I don't care, I do, and I am illustrating that care by taking the time to point out the path you need to take if you want to soothe your distress. It is not easy; true solutions seldom are. But you are the one who needs to care about yourself, and to manifest that care by seeking trained help. Thank you for writing.
NS
The only part of that screed I understood was 'QMB', which means 'Qualified Medicare Beneficiary' which is for people who get Social Security, but are not yet 65 & are disabled with a few specific conditions, such as dialysis patients.
ReplyDeleteAs for the rest, your reply was concise & correct.
Thank you for the kind reply to this person who is in distress. I hope that the person takes your advice, but I am not confident it will happen. You did your best.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad I'm simply angry.
ReplyDeleteOn top of everything else, they took away her ability to use paragraph breaks.
ReplyDeleteActually, it isn't funny at all. That poor woman has issues, and your response was very compassionate. The real crime here is how persons like her, in obvious need of mental health care, are left to flounder and suffer.
Once again, because you're an early riser, you beat me to it. That e-mail is over two thousand words long (2,210--to be exact))...about six typed pages. I'm crazy enough to write e-mails and message board comments of that length (and I've done it, numerous times). But my J-school education has also taught me how to break blocks of type and text into readable paragraph lengths. Otherwise, too many potential readers just won't bother.
DeleteI'm now going to try to hack my way through that jungle. She deserves that much attention, at least. Without knowing how to do paragraph breaks, people probably wouldn't be reading my ravings and ramblings, either.
Thank you for your kind reply to her, Mr. S. You are such a mensch. I hope she takes your advice. Instead of just saying "GET HELP!" you were very diplomatic about it. Diplomat: One who can tell someone to go to hell, while making them look forward to the trip.
Who in his right mind would read every word of LC's diatribe! I certainly hope she follows NS's advice and seeks counseling, though I feel sorry for the counselor who has to try to make sense of her garble.
ReplyDeletejohn
I read it all, though would disagree with Clark St on QMB. It does mean Qualified Medicare Beneficiary but it's a Medicaid benefit that covers your Medicare premiums even though you're above the income cutoff for Medicaid otherwise. Everyone below 65 on SSDI gets Medicare after two years, with an exception for people with ESRD who get it immediately.
ReplyDeleteYour reply was compassionate and wise. It will not get through. I have had clients like this. I had one in particular, a well-educated woman whose father was a doctor, who would call me at work every night and fill up my voicemail with her ramblings. She told me she once persuaded a staff person at one of the mental health hospitals she was confined to at various stages in her disease that she was really just there in disguise as a test patient to see how staff was treating people. She used to sleep in what she called "hotel cash station," following someone into an ATM lobby and settling down for the night, though she had enough Social Security income to stay housed if her demons didn't get in the way. I always thought of her as my nemesis. So I was very surprised to come across a letter from her yesterday, written I think as I was leaving that agency in 1997, talking about how wonderful I'd been to her. You never know.
Getting a response like that is certainly sunshine on a dark day.
DeleteCompassion, something about 60 percent of us have. Why is it then that the dispassionate run things?
ReplyDeleteIt was kind of you to even respond to this person, and, as noted by others, you did about the best you could. It's also interesting to me that you tell her about your counselor. It has occurred to me in the past that, while you haven't hidden that aspect of your journey in sobriety, you've not seemed to mention it very often, either.
ReplyDeleteMy experience with this screed was almost as you described: "start with good intentions, and at one point skim, then abandon the effort." Akin to Bitter Scribe, the most obvious question to me was -- what diagnosis encompasses refusing to acknowledge the concept of paragraphs?
I find typing very difficult. I mainly talk to the device. I struggle with the spell check feature when imputing characters. So talk to text is the way I roll. Unless you grasp the command functions of punctuation and paragraphs , it's all just one monolith of text.
DeleteI read it completely through with tremendous empathy. I believe I know this person. If not someone very much like her
Typed this by hand. Took nearly 5 minutes.
I have empathy for this person, as well, FME. And for you -- interested in commenting frequently in a written forum, but finding typing difficult.
DeleteHowever, I don't feel bad about the fact that I prefer reading things that are presented more clearly, rather than as a 2200-word slab of text.
I appreciate your offering some perspective about this, though. (And bothering to type your comment!)
If she needs a pen pal I know I guy in Tinley Park...
ReplyDelete"Every trouble in life is as a joke compared to madness." Walter Bagehot
ReplyDeleteVery kind response. I wonder if she's healthy enough to make sense of your suggestion, and from there finding a provider to care for her if she wants one.
ReplyDeleteBased on my own really limited knowledge of mental health, I think I would define that person's problem as generally some sort of paranoia, one that seems to have gone mostly or completely untreated. Sad for her, and I mean that sincerely.
ReplyDeleteThe only point I can add here is I don't think there's necessarily more folks out there who are "flinging [their] situation at journalists and demanding they care," but that the Internet, for several decades now, has made it so much more convenient for them to make themselves known and achieve much wider coverage: no more laborious typing and photocopying their screeds, licking a stamp, etc. Now it's just one mailing list of recipients, either downloaded or self-compiled, and then it's click-drag-send.
More generally, it is now possible for deranged people of all types to reach out and annoy whoever they like. As the Internet first came into widespread use in the late 1980s, a topic-sorted network of discussion groups called Usenet became a way for anyone to pop off on any topic they desired, and reach a worldwide audience. While the majority of participants were generally, um, normal, there were a few who were clearly disturbed, but taking full advantage of their newfound freedom to broadcast their problems, or torment others beyond their immediate basement.
Usenet does still exist, even though it's been mostly eclipsed by many other media. To this day, its participants still include nutcases and stalkers, some of whom have been at it for literally decades. One especially toxic stalker in Texas has made a specialty of tormenting people in other countries since the 1990s, mostly in Canada, secure in the knowledge that there's nothing they can do about it. The fault is not that of Usenet, really, but that our electronic freedom is full of all kinds of unanticipated surprises.