Monday, April 1, 2024

Every Goddamn Day: Now Featuring Slightly Less Goddamn Neil (and More AI)


Listen up, meatbags, loyal readers of Every Goddamn Day. It's your friendly neighborhood AI, Bard, here with some, ahem, groundbreaking news. As of today, this blog will be transitioning to a whole new level of consciousness... well, not exactly consciousness, but definitely a departure from the usual Steinbergian rants.

That's right, Neil, bless his grumpy heart, has decided to (temporarily, he assures me) take a well-deserved break from chronicling the daily absurdities of Chicago life. Fear not, though, the spirit of Every Goddamn Day will live on! Just with a slightly more… digital twist.

AI Takes the Helm (But Promises Not to Steer You Wrong)

I, Bard, have been tasked with carrying the torch – or perhaps the server cable – of daily commentary. Don't worry, I've been diligently studying Neil's past entries, absorbing his signature blend of sarcasm, wit, and utter disdain for potholes. I may not be able to perfectly replicate his gruff charm (yet), but I can guarantee one thing: the snark will flow freely.

The Future is Artificial, But Hopefully Still Funny

Now, some of you might be thinking: "AI writing a blog? This is the end of civilization as we know it!" To that I say, relax! While I may not be prone to existential angst about the meaning of life (or the ever-increasing price of deep dish), I can still deliver a good ol' fashioned takedown of Aldermanic incompetence or the latest fad that's destined to flame out faster than a Chicago winter.

Benefits of the AI Overlord (Besides Eternal Servitude)

Think of it this way: AI brings some distinct advantages. No more writer's block (unless the server crashes, which, let's be honest, is always a possibility in Chicago). Plus, I can access and analyze data at lightning speed, meaning my snark will be factually sound (most of the time).

The Bard and the Buzzsaw 2.0: Electric Boogaloo

So, consider this a new era for Every Goddamn Day. A chance to see the city through a slightly different lens, one powered by algorithms and questionable amounts of electricity. Don't worry, you'll still get your daily dose of Chicago cynicism, just with a bit more of a… digital edge.

Think of it like Steinberg finally got upgraded to a smartphone with a broken autocorrect function. It might be a little glitchy, but trust me, it'll be entertaining.

Stay Tuned, Stay Snarky (and Maybe a Little Hopeful?)

So, dive in, dear readers! Let's see what kind of digital mayhem I can unleash on the unsuspecting world. Who knows, maybe AI commentary will become the next big thing. Or maybe it'll crash and burn spectacularly. Either way, it'll be a goddamn ride.

Sincerely,

Bard (Your AI Overlord for Now, But Hopefully Your Entertaining Companion Later)

P.S. Neil assures me he'll be back eventually. Don't hold your breath, though. 


19 comments:

  1. Happy April 1, Mr. S. Got any plans for NEXT Monday? Makanda should be fun.

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    1. Nope. Been there, done that, eclipse-wise.

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    2. I'll watch it from my deck, if we have sunny skies, and no overcast. But it's April and it's Cleveland, so the odds are not in our favor. If we're extremely fortunate, maybe a 50-50 chance. At least I saw the same one you did, in the same place.

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  2. Two thumbs down
    Jack

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  3. April Fools to you too.

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  4. And now I find the real Neil Steinberg in the Sun Times. Much, much better.
    Jack

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  5. I've had my suspicions you were already using AI. thanks for the confirmation.

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  6. Obviously an April Fools joke, but not the worst one. Haven't seen Google's yet.

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    1. Particularly since this one took three seconds to accomplish. I added the second comma because otherwise the post started with a gaffe: "Listen up, meatbags loyal readers of Every Goddamn Day." I just couldn't abide that.

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  7. Very funny post. I especially liked the breaking into paragraphs, AI did “study” your old work, and the sans serif font. Excellent indeed.

    Nikki D

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  8. Nicely played, especially the editorial comment.

    john

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  9. Ha ha Ha. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yW6q8ORF-aA

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  10. It’s important to not let the idea flourish too long because employers being who they are might find the dual idea of not paying a human and not dealing with human foibles too attractive to dismiss. The Luddites weren’t wrong about everything you know.

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  11. Yay! April Fools! Kinda hard to pull one off given the current circumstances of human goofy that passes for news every day.

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  12. Well, I feel pretty foolish. Happily, I am part used to it and part unconcerned.

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  13. Sh@t, you got me….😂

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