Friday, November 13, 2020

Trump beast draws flies like Jim Oberweis


The Fortune-Teller, by Georges de La Tour (Metropolitan Museum of Art)

     Satire doesn’t belong in a newspaper. And by “satire” I mean stating what is not true for humorous or rhetorical effect.
     Why? Because people believe what they read in a newspaper. I learned that 20 years ago when, attempting a bit of Christmastime levity, I wrote a parody column thanking all the imaginary people who make my life a bed of ease: our gardener, chef, nannies, plus various assistants and a non-existent secretary:
     “If you’ve ever phoned my office, you’ve heard the lovely Georgia drawl of Miss Annie Sherman, and it’s a pleasure to start every morning with her always cheery “Hiya, chief!” and one of her homemade pralines.”
      All good fun. Until my mother phoned and said, “I didn’t know you had a secretary ... ” Ah, yes. No. Satire. Ever.
     That is a long way of explaining why today’s column originally began:
     “Is Oberweis milk merely watered-down white paint? Do Chicagoans need to be concerned that their Oberweis cottage cheese is actually made from the clotted secretions of alligators? They will be relieved to discover the answer is an emphatic ‘no.’”
     Actually, that wasn’t the first version. The first version involved poison. But as much as I wanted to start this column with a series of outrageous lies, I didn’t, even jokingly. Because people glance at stories. They misunderstand. And they believe what they read in the newspaper. It’s a weighty responsibility that journalists take very seriously. 

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  1. Besides the fact that Oberweis is a creep & a 6 time loser, his ice cream is way overpriced & not anywhere near as good as Graeter's, which costs the same.
    I also refuse to buy any Weather Tech or My Pillow products, because their owners are huge trumpies.

    1. Really, Weather Tech? You just harshed my mellow, dude.

  2. I agree with your assessment of Oberweis but respectfully disagree about boycotting his stores.

    Like Clark, I won't buy Oberweis products because they're overpriced, but I encourage anyone who likes their chocolate milk or anything else to buy to their heart's content. Every dollar we put into Jim's pocket encourages him to run for something else and crowd out another Republican who knows what he's doing and may have an actual chance in the general election.

    Republicans were slavering to get at Lauren Underwood because she's a Black congresswoman in a district that's 85% white and less than 3% Black. But Oberweis did his usual thing of swamping the primary, when fewer people pay attention, with his family's money to get the nomination.

    The hell of it is, it was a close race all the same. A competent campaigner, who at least knew to distance himself from Trump, might very well have won.

    1. Well said. I like the Oberweis products and if my buying his products somehow contributes to him running and losing all the time, I will consider that money well spent.

    2. A local political blogger whose opinion I respect says that any other Republican who knew what he was doing would have won that district.

      I think if Oberweis tries to run for that seat again, the local Republicans will drown him in one of his own milk vats.

  3. "Boycotting" is a strong word. There is a superabundance of fast food places, and my never stopping in the Oberweis shop on Dempster has more to do with my never driving past it in need of a meal. I don't go to the Greek chicken place either. That said, I don't see the harm of avoiding places that make a public stand in favor of bigotry. I've been mildly curious as what a Chick-Fil-A sandwich might actually be, and perhaps if its owners weren't loathsome haters I'd go in and find out. But "boycotting" implies something far more organized and vigorous and, besides, boycotts don't work.

    1. Politics aside, Chic-Fil-A is garbage. Bought one of their sandwiches from a stand at a music event in Cuyahoga Falls and it fell apart as soon as I unwrapped it.

      Their product turned out to be a soggy, inedible mess! I was left with tasteless pieces of chicken that I had to eat out of my hand. No thanks!

      Have never gone back to any of their outlets.I wouldn't eat their stuff again even if they were a bunch of rabid left-wing radicals. Yetch! Double yetch! Yetchissimo! It was awful. I'd even go to KFC first. My all-time favorite is Popeyes.

    2. I'm no fan of the politics of the Chick-Fil-A folks, but I have to grudgingly admire their willingness to forego millions of dollars by keeping the places closed on Sunday.

      We've gone there a few times on road trips. The food is good, though I haven't really been wowed by it. Very good waffle fries. What I *have* been impressed by is the service. Without close competition in my experience, the fastest handling of people in line that I've witnessed.

      Personally, I would not make my determination about the pros / cons of a restaurant based on the condition of a sandwich served from "a stand at a music event," but that's just me. I don't think I've ever gone to a Popeye's, though I know several folks who love them. That being said, I've heard conflicting reports about who has the best chicken sandwich.

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  5. I've been in an Oberweis shop because they have given away ice cream in return for making blood donations. Black cherry is good. I don't think they sell any food besides dairy products, at least in the one by us.

  6. You'd think a fish in a barrel of milk would be harder to shoot. That's evidently not the case, as this delightful take-down demonstrates.

    The way different lies are put in perspective, along with the hypocrisy of those who abet tons of lies by the freaking president while excoriating those told by others, should resonate with anybody with eyes to read. It won't, though. Sad!


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